What You Should Type for Your Alumni Update in the Event that “You Suck”

Sitting here in my backroom; I had perused my colleges Alumni magazine, specifically the section that highlights what people are doing professionally. I find it funny and a touch miserable.

There are teachers, a handful of people getting into non-profit management, and an occasional National Guard officer role. But I feel like they bypass the rest of us.

They bypass the folks that had chased after drug boats and raced taxis with drunken drivers. We overlook the people that have seen two or three layoffs. We miss out on people that drink whiskey during their breaks and punch lockers. We don’t see stay at home moms. Overlooked is a guy that couldn’t even find a sales job when he graduated, (don’t hold your breath, everyone tells JUCO graduates that they can get a sales job).

I secretly hope that I could print my own someday. I would note the wildly mediocre. I could note the people that were embarassed by the job fair staff. I would highlight the people that get weird looks from the career assistance office. I would give an award to the gentleman that no one could hire, “that guy” that had the sports education degree that didn’t seem like a good pick to be a teacher. I would write an article about three candidates that weren’t told that they weren’t going to get a job because the company had been sold to another organization. I could highlight the people that were forgotten by their companies and then were “disappeared” without the company using their talents.

I would tell the Alumni that we really do suck. The vast majority of us aren’t that excited and we don’t have the sunshine/rainbows experience. We cut checks, “snap necks”, and write pithy blog posts. Some of us get on with our lives.

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