***Folks, its the weekend. I dont write a whole lot on the weekends but I like to highlight other folks work that I find interesting or pertinent. Please check out TW Beckett’s Choices. This is a direct re-blog of his work. I wanted to add a little something to his work: its your life and you are the most important part of your life. Thanks and enjoy your weekend.***
One thing that I can truly say I’ve learned from being in Masculine Sphere for this time is that I have much to offer and I am the prize. It’s a tough lesson that many men never learn. I can truly say that my upbringing was one of what I could provide for women and not the other way around.
My mother had a horrible childhood. Terrible abuse suffered at the hands of trusted family members, my grandmother leaving my mother and my uncle at a very young age while she worked and slept around. This horrible childhood forced my mother to over-compensate with me in her child rearing. She wanted to make sure that I was good to women, to a fault, sacrificing myself for the good of the woman. Many women, especially the aging Baby Boomers experienced similar issues when they were being raised in the 60’s with the Sexual Revolution. Women were empowered, didn’t have to stay at home with the kids anymore, and allowed all manner of terrible fates to befall their kids.
But when the rules change, it still falls to that person to make the decision that affects their lives. So my mom decided to err on the side of caution and make damn sure I never grew up treating women as bad as she was treated.
But good intentions don’t always mean good results. My somewhat sheltered life as a child swung all the way back to hit me in the face as I grew up. Totally petrified of women, to the point of being intimidated to silence around them, I was the product of the helicopter parenting on steroids. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t be saved, nor did it mean I was doomed to an existence of constantly being beholden to women.
So when the red pill got my attention 2 years ago in my monk mode world, I was taken aback. “Men can truly control the narrative, they are indeed to prize.” Holy hell. This turns every damn thing on it’s head. Why was I told all my life that we are beholden to the woman? Why did I live my life that way? Could I have saved my marriage with this attitude?
The last question was answered by my ex-wife. I sat down with her to have a talk about what was lacking in our marriage and I saw right away.
I wasn’t leading. I wasn’t dictating the relationship. I wasn’t the steady, strong anchor that she needed. I let her dictate the relationship and it became chaos. She didn’t want it. I didn’t either. So we pretended.
Very seldom do we hear the real story behind our behaviors.
The Sexual Script Flipped
So imagine my surprise when I learned that not only should I get mine but I should be unapologetic about it.
I was so hardwired to seek her approval, gain her acceptance, get her to cum, that I didn’t stop to think that her passionate embrace was all about me getting mine. But here we are, and yes gents, it truly is the case.
Men don’t want to hear this because they’ve been hardwired to believe that it’s all about her. And yet men who believe this and make it the case are miserable in their marriages. So are the women.
Damn. How did we get here?
I was always told that men needed to make sure women came before they did. And that’s just what I tried to do, until the sex dried up. But I did what they said to do! I focused on her pleasure. It failed miserably.
I chose that path because it’s what I was told would work. And it didn’t. So why the hell was I told that? Because no one lives the way you do. They tell you to make choices because of what THEY want, not what you want. They’ll yell to the hills to take this path because it’s not only the RIGHT way, but the way they chose. Do what they did. Because their choices made them HAPPY, right? Wrong. They aren’t happy. They’re lost. They’re projecting their insecurities on you. They want you to experience their right way that they are convinced is the correct path. But it isn’t. It never was. It’s just advice propagating itself.
But sex is where it all starts for men. Men are such sexual creatures, we crave it, we manifest it in our daily lives, and it is a cornerstone of who we are not only as animals, but as humans. It stands to reason that we need to address it first because it’s the lifeblood of everything a man stands for. And it’s this lifeblood that he’s made to feel ashamed.
“All men want is sex.” Well, yes. As the sex goes, so goes the man.
Men have to be unapologetic about their sexual choices. They are designed to get their nut and get it often so why apologize for it? Why not find someone interested in you getting your nut as well? You not being afraid to voice your preferences is another choice. Doing anything without fear of retribution or regret is breaking away from all supposed consequences for your choice.
Your job is to own it, regardless of what it is.
Don’t let fear stop you from making a choice.
Fear as the Divine Motivator
The fear of making the wrong choice drives men to “play it safe” as well as the overblown #MeToo movement that has turned all men into potential rapists. Men don’t want to exert themselves in fear. And they let this fear dominate every aspect of their lives.
Fear of being inadequate.
Fear of hurting her feelings.
Fear of being too bold.
Fear of losing her.
Fear of being alone.
Fear of dying alone.
See what abundance mentality does to this fear. It lessens and eradicates it.
It makes choosing you more feasible.
It makes it easier to choose your interests.
But men don’t think they have these choices to make. Many men allow women in their lives to make those choices for them. They’re on autopilot because risk is uncomfortable. And it’s killing them slowly.
Men have been told our passion is bad. That it’s toxic. It’s not. Holding back that passion on purpose is toxic. It’s poisoning us and our culture, all the while, cultures that embrace this passion and masculinity are thriving and growing. What does all this tell you?
It tells me that my choices have real life consequences. And that by forfeiting my ability to make those choices, I’m at the whims of others who want to decide my life for me. And that sucks.
I let the women of my life drive the bus for 2 decades and all it got me was virginity until I was 27, a divorce, and how NOT to deal with women.
So I started to realize that my choices, actively worked on making decisions that were in my best interest, were driving my life in a positive direction. My focused passionate goals, mission and purpose became the fire that my body fueled on, which made interactions with the opposite sex much more enthralling.
And what’s funny is that many men are shunned for trying to attempt to explore his own interests. My personal interests aren’t a priority for other people, so why the hell would they give a damn about my interests?
That’s the lens you need to get over. Many people are going to push you in directions they want YOU to go, not where you yourself want. Their choices are in THEIR best interest, not yours. So choose your friends wisely.
A Tie on All Angles
A good rule of thumb I’ve learned. If it’s a tie on all angles, always choose your best interest. Don’t let anyone else make that choice for you because you will regret it.
Selfish? Sure. What’s wrong with that? We see a world where people are over-accommodating and over reaching in their involvement in other people’s lives. How about just having them butt the fuck out? What’s wrong with asserting your boundaries? Nothing.
But damn will people not do it and let folks walk all over them. It’s your life, plain and simple. Men who decide their own lives are something of a martyr these days. Especially ones that want to either not get married or want to live the pleighboi life.
Listen, I don’t care what you do with your life, just do it your way. I can’t comment on anyone else’s existence and if I do, I’m just passing judgement that should in no way determine how you live your life. You only have one judge and it ain’t Judy or Whopner.
But the bottom line? It’s your choice. You have control over your life. The more you cede that control to others, the more regret you’ll have in the long run that you didn’t choose what you truly wanted.
Remember this when guys like me are telling you what to avoid in life because we’ve lived it, we know, we’ve made these choices, we’ve understood the consequences, and we are telling you to live your life unapologetically your way.
Don’t live with regret. Live with your choices, ride or die, good or bad.
You are the prize. You matter. You are important. So are your choices.