On a particularly nasty day, I found myself mystified by the lack of artistic effort in most of the things I was reading. Emails were amazingly droll. Sports write-ups were dry and lacking most entertainment. I was thinking that I was going to “hang it up” for the day when I discovered (somehow) a perversely fascinating article from one of my least favorite sources; TheAtlantic.com. It was from a column by Lori “Dear Therapist” Gottlieb titled I’m Considering Leaving My Wife for My Co-worker.
I am not throwing a new level of hate at a person asking for advice. I’m throwing bricks at the moronic level of thinking on the guy for his idiocy. I think he was asking the wrong questions for the wrong reasons. In a true “Dear Matt” fashion; I had some inconvenient words of advice for him that many people miss:
Don’t Shit Where You Eat
This helps you steer clear of this kind of crap. If you, (especially when married), engage in a tryst with a co-worker, you are asking for drama and a potential loss of income. Love doesn’t pay bills. Work and income pays bills. Your job isn’t to fall in love. Your job is to exchange skills and services for money. Find love somewhere else. Just like the idea that you don’t hunt on the king’s land to eat and you don’t drink on the production line that makes your beer.
I do have problem with the level of waffling that we humans do. We hang on to memory and often lack boundaries. I saw something of this arena that made me sick. Contained in the Washington Post’s Carolyn Hax advice column; I found a jewel of an article: After discovering the affair, you’ll discover how strong you truly are. In this gem, a well-meaning wife had mentioned finding evidence of her husband’s extra marital affair with a younger woman on his phone. Long story short; they tried to work things out, counseling, etc. She was wondering what she could do considering she can’t trust him. Outside of what Carolyn said, I had some inconvenient advice:
Your Lack of Trust is Destroying A Chance of Having A Marriage
You aren’t going to be married for long. Your man will notice your continually cold demeanor. If he was willing to save this marriage; he won’t be doing it for long. He will feel like a roommate. There will be a point where he can definitely get better sex somewhere else. He can always be a dad without a wife. You might want to think about an exit strategy unless you are that hard up for the status symbol of being “someone’s wife”. Being a starfish roommate is dishonesty for both of you.
I have a ton of these annecdotes but I will spare you these until I get pissed off enough to write again. Don’t be delusional like these people. (It doesn’t matter if it is the columnists or the poor bastard writing in).