The Matters w/ Matt: Re-Answering Self Help Questions

I find myself disgusted and fascinated both by advice columns. I laugh and cringe when it comes to old standby’s like Dear Abby and the formerly great Dear Prudence. It is one thing that I secretly believe that Dear Abby staffers ghost write many of the letters but it is equally detestable that the advice given is clearly given by someone with a horrifically snowflake slanted position. I think that people, especially men, get terrible advice that will steer them wrong. I don’t blame anyone that calls advice column responses tripe. I always wanted to correct their responses and help society by being an utmost asshole, (hat tip to Aaron Clarey @ Asshole Consulting).


Consider this gem, originally from Slate’s Dear Prudence (laughably from Danny Lavery, who changes names/identities more often than I change work pants).

             My girlfriend hates it when I eat garlic: I’ve been with my girlfriend for three years. We love each other, but she hates the fact that I eat garlic a lot and has given me an ultimatum to not eat it when we’re together. I just can’t stop doing it, though. I was raised with it, a lot of my favorite foods have it, and I can’t stop feeling like she’s trying to police what I eat. She says eating garlic is very inconsiderate of me and argues a lot about it with me. Who’s right?


Here is my answer:

You are asking the wrong questions. Do you want to be with someone that controls you? Do you honestly think that she will respect you further down the road? If you don’t establish a boundary/boundaries with her, she wont stick around or respect you. You easily can find yourself as a resource instead of a lover. Take my advice; call her on her demands. Don’t give up garlic. Tell her she is more than welcomed to leave. If she leaves or throws a fit; she doesn’t love you. It is time to find someone else that likes garlic or doesn’t have a sense of smell. Good luck and stay happy.


I don’t imagine that I will have a shortage of letters to answer. I would love to start doing this for anyone that sends me an email. If this is you; email us at

If you hate advice columns; I don’t blame you. If it isn’t soft people giving advice; it is clueless morons writing in and airing dirty laundry. Till next week.


About freemattpodcast

Lead shill for The FreeMatt Podcast
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to The Matters w/ Matt: Re-Answering Self Help Questions

  1. Pingback: FreeMatt in Review: 3-29 to 4-4 | Free Matt Podcasts

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s