As I have done in this past few weeks; I found a reason to find myself disgusted by advice columns. I laugh and cringe when it comes to old standby’s like Ask Amy and the formerly great Dear Prudence. Most of these columnists are naturally inclined to give you bad advice. I think that people, especially men, get terrible advice that will steer them wrong. I don’t blame anyone that calls advice column responses tripe. I always wanted to correct their responses and help society by being an utmost asshole, (hat tip to Aaron Clarey @ Asshole Consulting).
Consider this gem, originally from Slate’s Dear Prudence column (April 21, 2020):
Q: What to tell a co-worker. I worked at a small nonprofit for about three years. Just after I (straight man, 31) started, a woman (straight, 26) started, and I developed a crush on her. She is cute and smart, and this was her first job. I never acted like or told her that I liked her. She is leaving to move with her boyfriend of 10 months to go to grad school across the country. Should I tell her how I felt this whole time even though it wouldn’t lead to anything, or a should I just let her go and never say anything?
Here is my answer:
A: Flag on the play! I’m blowing my whistle on this. You are 31 years old. You should have learned two things by now: (a) “Don’t sh*t where you eat. (b) Don’t be a home wrecker. That Britney Spears/bad romantic comedy sh*t doesn’t work in real life. Get a life and look for women elsewhere. You were napping behind the wheel during the race of life. Move on and quit crying.
I don’t imagine that I will have a shortage of emails to answer. I would love to start doing this for anyone that sends me an email. If this is you; email us at firstname.lastname@example.org
If you hate advice columns; I don’t blame you. If it isn’t soft people giving advice; it is clueless morons writing in and airing dirty laundry. Till next week.
You found a beauty of a creep. “Now that it’s too late for me to make a romantic move on this woman who already has a man she’s serious with, should I announce my true feelings so she’ll always remember me?”
Hollywood lied to you, dude. There IS such a thing as bad publicity.
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