The Matters w/ Matt: Re-Answering Self Help Questions

As I have done in this past few weeks; I found a reason to find myself disgusted by advice columns. I laugh and cringe when it comes to old standby’s like Carolyn Hax and the formerly great Dear Abby. It is one thing that I secretly believe that a column like Dear Abby has staffers that ghost write many of the letters but it is equally detestable that the advice given is clearly given by someone with a horrifically snowflake slanted position. I think that people, especially men, get terrible advice that will steer them wrong. I don’t blame anyone that calls advice column responses garbage. I always wanted to correct their responses and help society by being an utmost asshole, (hat tip to Aaron Clarey @ Asshole Consulting).


Consider this gem, originally from Slate’s Dear Prudence column (April 28th, 2020):

Q: Dump the doormat: How do you break up with someone who is the best boyfriend you’ve ever had, has a great job, loves your unlovable family, is patient with your flaws, and is willing to overlook your occasional, drunken infidelity? My boyfriend, “Tom”, is a great catch…


Here is my answer:

Dear Dump the doormat: I actually had to cut you off. You are looking at your own problems trying to find reasons to get rid of someone in your life that shows great attributes. (You listed drunkenness and infidelity) (His great qualities were patience and loving acceptance). If you want to break up with this guy, tell him you are the reason why. You are a piece of crap. You want to ditch a loving person because you want to ditch someone. Your friends say he is a good find. Let one of your single friends have at him. You are right, you don’t deserve him. You need to clean house before you have an awesome person like this is your life. Be a better person so that great person can thrive. Grow up and move on.


I don’t imagine that I will have a shortage of letters to answer. I would love to start doing this for anyone that sends me an email. If this is you; email us at

If you hate advice columns; I don’t blame you. It is heartless to give bad advice. It allows for the clueless to meander pointlessly in life. Till next week.



About freemattpodcast

Lead shill for The FreeMatt Podcast
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2 Responses to The Matters w/ Matt: Re-Answering Self Help Questions

  1. Pingback: FreeMatt in Review: 4-26 to 5-1 | Mogadishu Matt

  2. Pingback: Bard Corner 026 - Barbarian Rhetoric

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