Every Wednesday: I never fail to be disgusted with advice columns. But for some reason I waited until a “Thursday” to do it this week. As always; I am in awe when it comes to awful examples like Dear Prudence and Ask Amy. The columnists seem to get rewarded for giving you bad advice. I think that people, especially men, get terrible advice from them. I don’t blame anyone that calls advice column responses garbage. I use my postings to correct these responses and help society by being an utmost asshole, (as always, a hat tip to Aaron Clarey at Asshole Consulting).
Consider this piece from ArcaMax’s Dear Abby from August 17, 2020:
Dear “Matt”: I am a 21-year-old woman who hasn’t been very lucky when it comes to relationships. My first real relationship wasn’t until I was 20, and it didn’t last too long. I have talked to quite a few guys, but they never went past the getting to know you stage.
I was able to figure out things I wanted and didn’t want in a relationship. My best friend for the last eight years has always been there to help me get through some pretty hard times. He has all the qualities I’m looking for in someone. He’s smart, funny, honest, and caring and is literally a male version of me.
When we were younger, he told me had feelings for me, but I only saw him as a friend. Everyone would tell us we should be together, but I ignored it. After years of knowing I didn’t want to get romantically involved because I value his friendship too much and I didn’t want to lose him.
He recently started a relationship with someone, and it made me realize I might have romantic feelings for him that I haven’t had before. I don’t know what to do. Please help.—TOO LATE IN TEXAS
What you are feeling is part jealousy and the fact that you see that this man is worthy in another woman’s eyes. (Some people call this “qualified”). The best advice to give you is that you should move on. He gave his best energy before and you rejected him. You weren’t attracted to him and I strongly doubt that you are now. You got what you were looking for; comfort. He did the responsible thing and found someone that wanted him for him, not for friendship and comfort.
You would be robbing him if you guys actually got together. You can not pull something out of thin air that was never there. You’re lack of attraction to him will hurt him in the long run.
Polite advice: Let him go and be with someone that wants him. You should keep looking for someone that you don’t have history with, that you can be attracted to. (Don’t f*ck your friends).
I don’t imagine that I will have a shortage of emails to answer. I would love to start doing this for anyone that sends me an email. If this is you; email us at firstname.lastname@example.org
If you hate advice columns; I don’t blame you. If it isn’t soft people giving advice; it is someone trying to justify acting like an insensitive asshole. Till next week.