The Matters w/ Matt: My Startless Love

Every Wednesday: I never fail to be disgusted with advice columns. I am unsure why they still get paid to do what they do. As always, I am in awe when it comes to awful examples like Dear Prudence and Dear Abby. The columnists seem to get rewarded for giving you bad advice. I think that people get terrible advice from them. I don’t blame anyone that calls advice column responses garbage. I use my postings to correct these responses and help society by being an utmost asshole, (as always, a hat tip to Aaron Clarey at Asshole Consulting).

Consider this piece from Ask Amy’s column (courtesy of ArcaMax)from November 4, 2020:

(Dear Matt): ——————————————

My 28-year-old daughter has been in a relationship for over a year with a lovely single father, “Randall.”

Randall is everything I ever wanted for my kind, intelligent, beautiful daughter. He is thoughtful, polite, intelligent, has a good job, and — most importantly — is a patient and remarkable parent.

I am 59 and have rarely seen a father display such common sense and loving, patient parenting skills toward his young, kindergarten-aged child. I’ve never seen my daughter so happy or so well-matched with a partner.

One concern surfaces: My daughter confided to me that Randall has never said, “I love you.” She says it to him and his son (who tells her, “I love you, too”) but Randall doesn’t say it back. He has told her that he would rather show her how he feels, than say words with no meaning.

She said he frequently tells his son he loves him, so it’s not that he’s adverse to the phrase. His relationship with his past partner ended very badly, (hence his sole custody of their child), and I don’t believe he is close to either of his parents, who also divorced when he was young.

Randall treats our daughter beautifully and is extremely kind to us.

My advice to her has been to be patient and not push him, but as the days and weeks roll by, I worry that I’ve advised her poorly. What do you think?

— Hoping for Happily Ever After

Dear Hoping:

               You and your daughter both share the ability to overlook some obvious issues. You had mentioned that Randall’s past relationship had tanked and left him with sole custody of his child. On top of this, you had mentioned that Randall might not be too close to his parents. His parents divorced when he was young.

Here is what you missed: He has seen a large amounts of disappointment when it came to relationships. His love was answered with hurt. He doesn’t want to talk about “love”. He is distancing himself from it. Randall is showing a level of exposure that he is comfortable with.

The love that he shows to his children should not be confused with the potential love that he could show a woman. Please don’t combine these two. I love butterscotch pudding but it doesn’t mean that I love shoes. See what I did there?

You would be amazingly obtuse if you advise her to push this guy for answers. Neither one of you are looking for answers, you both want to feel validated. I strongly doubt that you care about how this guy feels. You want your daughter to feel “right” and you want to feel like the superior adult by sticking your nose in their business.

I hope that I helped you look at this situation beyond your nose. Focus on your own issues and start improving things in your own life. There is always room for improvement.


I don’t imagine that I will have a shortage of emails to answer. I would love to start doing this for anyone that sends me an email. If this is you; email us at

If you hate advice columns; I don’t blame you. If it isn’t soft people giving advice; it is someone trying to justify acting like an insensitive asshole. Till next week.

About freemattpodcast

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2 Responses to The Matters w/ Matt: My Startless Love

  1. Pingback: FreeMatt in Review: 11-16 to 11-20 | Mogadishu Matt

  2. Pingback: Bard’s Corner 055 - Barbarian Rhetoric

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