Among the things that were never explained to me when I was a kid, having boundaries was one of them. I had never thought much of it. I had grown accustomed to people that had some standards or ability to have a minimal ability to have empathy.
As I made it further as a young man, I was mistaken. I met unenlightened people that lived miserable lives in hard scrabble shit holes. I met fatherless lowlifes that could never escape the survival extinct to steal anything that wasn’t bolted down. Dealing with and communicating to these people were things that I learned to piece together.
But very few people among me, most notably men, tried to teach me anything about having boundaries with women. The term shit test was not existent, and most people seemed to dance a dance in synchronicity, or whatever moronic made up term you could dream of. I never knew some bitter truths.
One of these was that I needed to make decisions when other people waffled. Even if there was a chance at my decision leading to a loss or a setback.
This was especially true when dating. Yes, among stereotypes and tropes, we have seen or experienced this. A man suggests a restaurant and the woman makes an excuse not to go. Other suggestions are made, and continuous waffling is given. Sometimes a woman started with “anythings fine”. But it often leads to headache. I want to gift young men some wisdom.
Decide. Have Boundaries. You ask me what I mean. I want you to be decisive and have boundaries at the same time.
Men, if your date doesn’t like your pick and waffles/etc.; don’t go. Yes, tell them that the decision is firm and you both can go when you decide that an appropriate time is available. Your time is valuable, always have a backup plan or enjoy your time alone. Verbalize your “cutoff” and establish boundaries.
I wanted to share a system that has came in handy that gives you a firm line and her a semblance of responsibility. Start by picking three restaurants (or places to go). Tell her that she has to pick one from these three. If she says that “none of them sound good”, you say that neither of you are going out if she doesn’t make the pick. It isn’t mean, it is firm. I don’t accept “nothing sounds good”. I have only had one time I ever “cannexed” a date that was underway.
Either someone will respect you for having standards or they will get pissy. The second kind of person is the kind of folks you don’t need in your life.
Don’t be a doormat, start by having boundaries somewhere. Put on your big boys and get on with your life