Help A Man Decide: My Gift To The Next Generation of Men

Among the things that were never explained to me when I was a kid, having boundaries was one of them. I had never thought much of it. I had grown accustomed to people that had some standards or ability to have a minimal ability to have empathy.

As I made it further as a young man, I was mistaken. I met unenlightened people that lived miserable lives in hard scrabble shit holes. I met fatherless lowlifes that could never escape the survival extinct to steal anything that wasn’t bolted down. Dealing with and communicating to these people were things that I learned to piece together.

But very few people among me, most notably men, tried to teach me anything about having boundaries with women. The term shit test was not existent, and most people seemed to dance a dance in synchronicity, or whatever moronic made up term you could dream of. I never knew some bitter truths.

One of these was that I needed to make decisions when other people waffled. Even if there was a chance at my decision leading to a loss or a setback.

This was especially true when dating. Yes, among stereotypes and tropes, we have seen or experienced this. A man suggests a restaurant and the woman makes an excuse not to go. Other suggestions are made, and continuous waffling is given. Sometimes a woman started with “anythings fine”. But it often leads to headache. I want to gift young men some wisdom.

Decide. Have Boundaries. You ask me what I mean. I want you to be decisive and have boundaries at the same time.

Men, if your date doesn’t like your pick and waffles/etc.; don’t go. Yes, tell them that the decision is firm and you both can go when you decide that an appropriate time is available. Your time is valuable, always have a backup plan or enjoy your time alone. Verbalize your “cutoff” and establish boundaries.

I wanted to share a system that has came in handy that gives you a firm line and her a semblance of responsibility. Start by picking three restaurants (or places to go). Tell her that she has to pick one from these three. If she says that “none of them sound good”, you say that neither of you are going out if she doesn’t make the pick. It isn’t mean, it is firm. I don’t accept “nothing sounds good”. I have only had one time I ever “cannexed” a date that was underway.

Either someone will respect you for having standards or they will get pissy. The second kind of person is the kind of folks you don’t need in your life.

Don’t be a doormat, start by having boundaries somewhere. Put on your big boys and get on with your life


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14 Responses to Help A Man Decide: My Gift To The Next Generation of Men

  1. Solid advice, Matt. My experience has been that women tend to like you to make the call. When in a relationship, though, I’ll throw out some options to get a feel for what she wants, and then make the ultimate call based on her feedback and what I’m feeling re: dinner. For first/second date situations, I usually default to something Asian, especially something slightly more esoteric, like Thai. It illustrates a certain cosmopolitan panache—and is almost always unique versus eating at some chain restaurant—but also still affordable.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jack says:

    I know what you mean about being clueless about boundaries. Nobody taught me anything about that either. I had to learn it all on my own, and it took decades!

    How to deal with the picky, waffling woman:
    Just tell her, “I’m going to (this place) at (this time). Want to come?” If she doesn’t give a solid “yes”, then assume that it’s a “no” and retract the invitation.

    Remember Scott’s Axiom: If the woman doesn’t give you obvious IOIs from the get-go, then pass her over.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Cederq says:

    Good lesson and advice. That was something I had to learn and it was from my mother, very close to the same lines. She said don’t take bullshit from girls… A good Irish mom.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Rolling my eyes at this says:

    This has got to be some of the worst advice I have ever heard. Not agreeing to dinner isn’t a slap to your manhood or a woman walking all over you. I have been stomped on my entire life and if a man had the nerve to tell me now that I only have three options or I’m going to find something better to do with my time I would tell the fucker to get to stepping. The comment alone makes it seem like YOU aren’t interested in her and YOU are being forced to settle. Hurry hurry chop chop let’s get on with the show so I can get back to other people I’d rather be around. 😒 No woman wants to feel like they are not as important as something else. And what if your three choices are all foods she doesn’t like. Not all of us have a diverse palette that doesn’t mean a girl doesn’t like you it just means those choices don’t work for her. A relationship takes compromise but it doesn’t mean all her choices go out the window because you don’t have time for them. Don’t know who scarred you so bad but clearly you are damaged for ever thinking this kind of thinking is not only okay but good advice. The world doesn’t need more hateful people spewing venom and stirring the hate in others. The world doesn’t need more men to get on the,to hell with women or do as I say or else. It’s what this is. You do WHAT I WANT OR ELSE. I walk. I turn my back on you. I find another girl to date. You better pick my choice and do it right fucking now or else. The world doesn’t need that hate and motherfuckers who feel justify their meanness. No one is walking over you the only person who is overstepping their bounds is YOU. STOP spreading this kind of hate!


    • Cederq says:

      Damn menses huh?


      • I hate men! says:

        FUCK YOU! Straight to hell and back. Every goddamn time you do something horrible that is fine and fucking dandy but if I call you out on it then I’m being too sensitive or on the goddamn eat? FUCK YOU. I’m pissed off because you se a scumbag not because I am bleeding and can’t control myself. I swear to God John I am going to kick you over and over until YOU bleed and then ask your stupid ass why you are crying and emotional because clearly it has to be because of the blood and not the abuse. Don’t be such a fucktard of a man. Jesus Christ you are stupid!


      • Cederq says:

        I am glad you hate men. As a man of over 60, I have gotten to the point in my life since I don’t want to reproduce I don’t put up with women’s shit and Bi-Polar-ism, their schizoid delusions, their misplaced anxiety and especially their low self esteem and feminazi hallucinations. I know what of I speak, a psych nurse for too many damn years. Don’t feel bad honey, I don’t put up with men’s shit either. I am at the age, a life imprisonment for defending my life with extreme prejudice is not a deterrent. I’d send you fifty cents so you could call someone who cares, because I don’t.


    • I wouldnt be offended if we couldnt go out. Things dont always work out. I hope that the right fit finds the right people.

      “Don’t know who scarred you so bad but clearly you are damaged”, this is generally what someone would say that found something that struck a nerve. I would dare say “projecting”. It is a common response.

      Im not spreading hate. I have boundaries. I dont hate people when things dont work out between us.

      I think that you get as angry as you choose to be. I also believe that if I met you in person, I strongly doubt that you would say this.

      I took a little bit to respond due to this. I do believe in compromise but not making decisions has never been a positive thing in my life

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I wish I never met you says:

    Well the good thing is we don’t ever have to meet in person so I won’t have to punch you in your pos face. Take your projecting shit and shove it straight up your ass. That is what users and abusers say to justify their bad behavior and push the blame on someone who is calling them out. Don’t you fucking dare act like my angry is over the top and not justify. Who the fuck are you to tell me how much your words and actions affect me? Who are you to decide if it’s over the top or not? You are a horrible person and you shrug it off like it ain’t no thing. Ah it’s you Tammy, it’s always you being too real and tok sensitive. No motherfucker it’s you being cold and callus and then dismissing my feelings in too of what you already did. Fuck you!


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