Every Wednesday: I never fail to be disgusted with advice columns. I am unsure why they still get paid to do what they do. As always, I am in awe when it comes to awful examples like Dear Prudence and Ask Amy. The columnists seem to get rewarded for giving you bad advice. I think that people get terrible advice from them. I don’t blame anyone that calls advice column responses garbage. I use my postings to correct these responses and help society by being an utmost asshole, (as always, a hat tip to Aaron Clarey at Asshole Consulting).
Consider this piece from Dear Abby’s column (courtesy of ArcaMax) from December 28, 2020:
I know every relationship is different, but how do you know when to stop trying and let go? My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. Lately all we seem to do is fight or upset each other. I don’t want to call it quits, but I’m tired of being angry or sad all the time.
We have been trying to fix our relationship for a while now, but nothing seems to stick. We haven’t been able to get professional help due to our financial situation and COVID, but I don’t know what else to do.
We have so much potential for having an amazing life and family in the future that I don’t want to give up on what could be just because we can’t get along right now. Is love enough to help us through this rough patch? Or am I just fooling myself into thinking we can survive together? — LOST IN LOVE IN KANSAS
I had some rough news for you. You aren’t fighting for a wonderful relationship; you are fighting for a story book ideal. One of the biggest tells was your mention that “we have so much potential for having an amazing life and family in the future”. “Love” is an observation or a wishful thinking scenario here. You two aren’t the amazing unit that you are claiming it to be.
You are used to the drama. I would encourage you to have some sense of self ownership. I would like for you to amend your sentence “Lately all we seem to do is fight or upset each other”. Feel free to use “I” in exchange for “we”. This would allow for you to do the groundwork to determine if you are a part of the solution instead of the problem. You must find out if there was something that you could be doing differently. It starts with you before it become us. A great mechanic would call this eliminating variables.
When you have done your self work you then can determine if your boyfriend is in this for the long haul. You will be able to determine if he is able to gain anything from counseling or if you both would be better off alone.
Even if you are forced into a tough decision, you should be thankful for having a framework to determine what a healthy relationship is in your future relationships. You can communicate effectively and encourage others to do so in the future.
I don’t imagine that I will have a shortage of emails to answer. I would love to start doing this for anyone that sends me an email. If this is you; email us at firstname.lastname@example.org
If you hate advice columns; I don’t blame you. If it isn’t soft people giving advice; it is someone trying to justify acting like an insensitive asshole. Till next week.