The Matters w/ Matt: The Wrong Pin Cushion Prick

Every Wednesday: I never fail to be disgusted with advice columns. I am unsure why they still get paid to do what they do. As always, I am in awe when it comes to awful examples like Dear Abby and Ask Amy. The columnists seem to get rewarded for giving you bad advice. I think that people get terrible advice from them. I don’t blame anyone that calls advice column responses garbage. I use my postings to correct these responses and help society by being an utmost asshole, (as always, a hat tip to Aaron Clarey at Asshole Consulting).

Consider this piece from Ask Natalie’s column (courtesy of from January 27, 2021:

(Dear Matters):

 Is there any way to win my boyfriend back? I broke up with him at the beginning of the pandemic thinking I needed some space after four years together. I realize looking back at it now, I just needed a mental break from all of the stress related to Covid-19. I really miss him and feel like I made a huge mistake. I don’t think he is dating anyone new and we’ve been texting a little back and forth. Do you think there is a chance I could get him back? —MISTAKES MADE

Dear Mistakes:

There is a chance for just about anything in this world. I have a chance at winning a large lottery drawing. You stand a chance at getting killed in a car wreck. But you ask if you have a chance at getting your ex-boyfriend back after you dumped him.

I would want you to ask yourself a few serious questions before you beg him back. Are you the best thing for him? (You dumped him at a strange time in his life when he could have used someone to fight it out). Can you handle hard times in the future? (Many couples run into a series of challenges in their lives, you have floundered at a low bar challenge). Will you be disappointed as you carry on? (I am unsure of how good your relationship was to begin with).

I am not speaking for him but you need to see how he views you now. You guys need to sit down and see if you have a future. This is a risk for both of you. See how he feels and if he seems lukewarm; I wouldn’t be offended. He might need more commitment from you.

I do wish you both better, but this better may be separately. Do learn from this in the future and learn what your actions do in the long run.


I don’t imagine that I will have a shortage of emails to answer. I would love to start doing this for anyone that sends me an email. If this is you; email us at

If you hate advice columns; I don’t blame you. If it isn’t soft people giving advice; it is someone trying to justify acting like an insensitive asshole. Till next week.


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2 Responses to The Matters w/ Matt: The Wrong Pin Cushion Prick

  1. Pingback: Bard’s Corner Of Challenge 064 - Barbarian Rhetoric

  2. Pingback: The FreeMatt in Review: 1-25 to 1-29 | Mogadishu Matt

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