Every Wednesday: I never fail to be disgusted with advice columns. I am unsure why they still get paid to do what they do. As always, I am in awe when it comes to awful examples like Ask Amy and Dear Abby. The columnists seem to get rewarded for giving you bad advice. I think that people get terrible advice from them. I don’t blame anyone that calls advice column responses garbage. I use my postings to correct these responses and help society by being an utmost asshole, (as always, a hat tip to Aaron Clarey at Asshole Consulting).
Consider this piece from Dear Prudence’s column (courtesy of Slate) from March 30, 2021:
My girlfriend and I have been together for nine years. Two years in, I was talking to other people on apps even though we were monogamous. She found out through a mutual friend of a woman I was talking to, and we broke up but got back together six months later. For the last six years-ish, we’ve been great and we live together.
The other night I woke up in the middle of the night, and she was scrolling through her phone. I didn’t think anything of it because she has trouble sleeping. But the next morning, I noticed my phone was on a different screen. For the last few days she’s been friendly but distant. Once, for instance, she was supposed to be in a Zoom meeting, and I went into our bedroom and she was lying down. It looked like she had been crying. I asked her why she wasn’t on her call and she said she was “tired.”
I’m pissed that she probably went through my phone, but I don’t want to bring it up because one of the women I was talking to before we broke up recently added me on Instagram and messaged me. We had a brief and innocent conversation. I know that if my girlfriend saw the messages she would be hurt. After we got back together, I promised I would not have contact with the women I was talking to sexually while we were together. However, it’s been years since the infidelity and the conversation was innocent and I thought we were past all of this. We have each other’s phone passwords and will go on each other’s phones for practical things (like if she’s driving she might ask me to text someone our ETA, etc.) and privacy/boundaries have not been a concern. But now I’m annoyed that she would snoop when she’s usually so trusting, and I think it would raise red flags if I suddenly changed my phone password. Is there a way to bring up my annoyance without having to relive all of my past mistakes?
The annoyance you may convey should be the least of your worries. You have giant red flags that you have missed. Let me be the wind of reality that hits you in the face.
Nine years invested and all that you both have to show for it is cheating, privacy invasion, and a bizarre collection of mismatched feelings.
I doubt that she might have been snooping, since she has access to your phone when she feels need to. You have given her plenty of reasons to want to look, but this is the tip of the iceberg. (She might have noticed that one of your former dalliances added you on Instagram).
Her late night scrolling is indicative of several things. None of them are good. I would dare to say that she has been on the hunt for a side piece. She also may have been inspired by the fact that your eye seems to wander. She feels justified to either start cheating on you or eventually break up with you.
(Living with someone doesn’t constitute a good relationship. At best, you become a de facto spouse. At worst, you become a room mate).
In the event that she isn’t cheating on you, your relationship is hurting. I would suggest owning up to what you did. Erase Instagram and then tell her why you did it. Establish some boundaries, tell her what you want. Show her the same. If it doesn’t pam out, try harder with your new relationships in the future.
I don’t imagine that I will have a shortage of emails to answer. I would love to start doing this for anyone that sends me an email. If this is you; email us at email@example.com
If you hate advice columns; I don’t blame you. If it isn’t soft people giving advice; it is someone trying to justify acting like an insensitive asshole. Till next week.