Every Wednesday: I never fail to be disgusted with advice columns. I am unsure why they still get paid to do what they do. As always, I am in awe when it comes to awful examples like Dear Prudence and Dear Abby. The columnists seem to get rewarded for giving you bad advice. I think that people get terrible advice from them. I don’t blame anyone that calls advice column responses garbage. I use my postings to correct these responses and help society by being an utmost asshole, (as always, a hat tip to Aaron Clarey at Asshole Consulting).
Consider this piece from Ask Amy’s column (courtesy of Arcamax) from June 30, 2021:
I am currently in the process of voluntarily terminating the parental rights to my child. It’s not that I’m an inadequate mother or hate the child.
I remarried when my son was 5 years old, and my husband obtained a job out of state. The child did not want to move, so I allowed him to live full time with my ex.
For the last five years (he is 10 now), he has voiced his dislike of me and my husband, and says he does not want to see me at all (and it’s not just because of my husband).
He always acted out at home and at school, refused to eat, would break things in our home, and refused to do schoolwork. Since living full time with my ex, his behavior has improved, he is gaining weight, and is doing great in school.
Because I moved so far away and was unable to exercise my parenting time (due to my own medical reasons), my ex’s lawyer claimed abandonment. Knowing the child would be happier with his father, I have agreed to terminating my rights.
I’m OK with this decision and have accepted it. The problem I’m having now, is how to continue on with my life. We’ve moved to a new town in a new state. My husband has friends and family in this state, but I do not, so it’s a blank slate for me.
My husband and I have two children together, so my question is, would it be rude or wrong to talk and act as if I only have the two children? I feel that would be easiest for me, as far as explaining, as well as healing and moving on in my life.
So, am I the mother of two, or three?
In some of our lives, we have events that mirror peacetime and some that mirror those of war. The rolls of those on our side grow and contract. Our hearts may lay heavy one moment while we have reason to celebrate the next.
I think that you must have the mentality that you are “falling back” to a more defendable position. You must count the “troops” that you have instead of the one’s that you don’t. Worry is not productive for the people that you actually care for. Instead of thinking of this as a loss, you can look at it as a course correction.
You are not rude to think that you only have two kids now. Many people that have been through traumatic events and have left people behind, not just children. But you must roll on with who you have, you can not shoulder the people you don’t have in your life anymore. I have many ex-girlfriends, but I don’t carry them with me. I let them go to live their own lives. It frees them to grow in their own directions. It also frees me to put resources in more appropriate places.
What you are experiencing is a mere hiccup in the grand scheme, tomorrow is The Rest of Your Life 2.0. You can find the beauty in the opportunity. Love the people you have. Count your blessings and forget your curses. I wish you well.
I don’t imagine that I will have a shortage of emails to answer. I would love to start doing this for anyone that sends me an email. If this is you; email us at firstname.lastname@example.org
If you hate advice columns; I don’t blame you. If it isn’t soft people giving advice; it is someone trying to justify acting like an insensitive asshole. Till next week.