You Can’t “Import” Your Way Into Happiness or Greatness

I grew up in an interesting time where people weren’t aware that television shows were trying to sell you ideas along with what ever the advertisers were attempting to make money off of. The young and old both took the bait. Saccharine sweet entertainment left us happy but unaware that a bitter reality was around the corner.

I had seen a few tropes that stuck with people, often joked about. One of these was the “mail order bride making everything rosy” trope. I had a few anecdotal examples of people I knew that married foreign (or even “exotic”) women. If it wasn’t laughable, it was heartwarming to most of the romance novel reading crowd. But the brutal reality was covered up.

The weird part is that economic need and romantic notions didn’t equal the pie in the sky promises. I am the last one to throw hate toward anyone looking for happiness, but many of us overlook the fact that those mail order brides had their own needs and wants. They were people with hopes, dreams, and expectations.

I am steering clear of the blue pill and red pill parameters. I find some of the red pill commentary to be a little “obtuse” and the blue pill commentary “delusional”. I wanted to share my personal story and what I learned.

For most of 2001, I was a drunken sailor with no hope. I was reeling from getting kicked out of school, a failed relationship, and the specter of legal issues on the horizon. Alcohol and other non-constructive habits were how I was dealing with it. This followed me onto a deployment. I lived to get trashed and party when I was overseas. My job was a personal hell, but fun was the escape. I did like any other idiot my age and went to this one place. Twenty-dollar cover and free rum+cokes. Coupled with naked women and “house chicks”, you wouldn’t go wrong. I don’t think I did at the time. I dug the experience.

I wasn’t under any delusion that these women were what I was going to build a life behind. I enjoy playful banter, visual sights, among other things. But I took a stab at what many guys wouldn’t do; asking one of those chicks out. I got a number and we ended up setting something up the following night. We went out, danced, drank, and had small Spanglish conversations. We made out and grinded, overall fun.

[We didn’t end up at her place (unsafe) and I didn’t have a hotel room. But I intended on calling her up/writing when I got back into town]

I knew something about her and what she was trying to get out of life. She was in nursing school. She had a family in the main part of town. She wasn’t the high society lady that most simps would label her. She wasn’t catty but she had things that she wanted.

I didn’t carry on with things. We enjoyed things when they lasted but I had to be realistic. I had to ask the following things:

  • Is she going to thrive in the United States, away from her comfort center? Not having family and friends anywhere nearby?
  • Isn’t it dishonest to drag her into my personal hell? Could I expect someone to stay married to a drunk and/or a guy that might find himself shit canned from the military?
  • Should I expect her to jump into my “culture” like she had never grown up in a foreign country?
  • With our bad backgrounds, would it be a great idea to throw her at my female family members, who have a “beef” with the idea of someone marrying the “competition”?

I found out that she wouldn’t be the proverbial fix for a broken heart or my misery. The true solution in my life wasn’t a “pill” but me fixing my shit smeared life.

I would say the same thing to any man who thinks that he is a king overnight because he imports a wife. He will just become a sucker, with the same problems, and a wife. A wife who was most likely lied to.

I don’t think that it is a red pill idea that you should put your best foot forward first with a level of self awareness. I also don’t think that blue pill adherents should think that they can import happiness. Happiness starts with you, long before you drag someone else along.

About freemattpodcast

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This entry was posted in Advice, Navy story, wisdom. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to You Can’t “Import” Your Way Into Happiness or Greatness

  1. Pingback: FreeMatt in Review: 7-5 to 7-9 | Mogadishu Matt

  2. Pingback: You Can’t “Import” Your Way Into Happiness or Greatness — Mogadishu Matt | Vermont Folk Troth

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