Every Wednesday, I never fail to be disgusted with advice columns. I am unsure why they still get paid to do what they do. As always, I am in awe when it comes to awful examples like Dear Prudence and Dear Abby. The columnists seem to get rewarded for giving you bad advice. I think that people get terrible advice from them. I don’t blame anyone that calls advice column responses garbage. I use my postings to correct these responses and help society by being an utmost asshole, (as always, a hat tip to Aaron Clarey at Asshole Consulting).
Consider this piece from The Science Advice Goddess’ column (courtesy of Arcamax)from July 20, 2021:
My relationship with a man I’d been dating was getting serious. His previous relationship ended when his girlfriend dumped him. Last month, he ran into her and told her he was seeing me. She began crying and begged him to take her back. He was torn about what to do. I told him his feelings for her weren’t romantic but stemmed from a sense of obligation, and that he should be angry at her for trying to make him feel bad about moving on with someone else. He still went back to her, and now they’re engaged. I’m furious. Why would he choose to be with someone who dumped him? He could’ve moved forward with someone who really cares, with whom he could have a relationship based on love, not guilt (over making this other woman cry). How can I prevent this from happening to me again?
Although I can’t justify why your boyfriend went back to someone that left him, I can tell you why you don’t have him today. You made the assumption that you could speak for him. He might have been torn about his ex-girlfriend supposedly wanting him back, (which I would argue that she found it appealing that he was wanted by another woman and decided that the competitive edge in her drove to keep him away from you), but you made some gross errors.
You chose to tell him what he was feeling or should be feeling, which seemed a little controlling. You didn’t have the appropriate level of buy in to do this. You didn’t lock down an actul level of commitment before you started nagging him, which you shouldn’t do when you are married or committed anyway. You gave him two shit sandwich options and you spoiled one of the options to the point that he could justify taking a huge bite out of the other sandwich.
If you want to prevent this happening again, don’t count your chickens before the eggs hatch. You need to resist the idea of telling other people how they should feel and act. Leave these steps to a counselor or therapist. (I would dare to say that your next partner should lean on a trusted friend instead of going to you. Feel free to tell them that they should have a third party person to discuss these sensitive matters with that don’t have a vested interest).
His relationship in the future will have its own problems. If I were you, I would wish him well. He should have decided to be alone and fall back to gather his efforts. Please do the same and reflect on what you might could do differently in the future.
I don’t imagine that I will have a shortage of emails to answer. I would love to start doing this for anyone that sends me an email. If this is you; email us at firstname.lastname@example.org
If you hate advice columns; I don’t blame you. If it isn’t soft people giving advice; it is someone trying to justify acting like an insensitive asshole. Till next week.