Sailboats Are A Modern Day Menace and Should Be Banned?

In true hyperbolic fashion; I harken back to a more ridiculous time, before friends became cocaine addled maniacs beating up people with baseball bats. I had a neighbor that took me sailing.

This neighbor, who had a few years under his belt, needed a hand launching a sailboat during the doldrums of summer. We would take his older than sh*t Ford pickup truck to his podunk slot of land in Bumfuk Alabama, then pick up his 20+ year old sailboat.

I always thought helping him out was a bit of a jive ass money hustle, less than minimum wage and a government peanut butter sandwich. But it was money that would purchase Bethany, my first Harley Davidson.

That old neighbor couldn’t get his stepsons to help and I was the only one who would go. One day, he asked if I wanted to bring someone along this time. I asked my buddy “Cro Magnon” if he wanted to go. In true mama’s boy fashion, he asked his “maumaw”. Her words were priceless:

No, a lot of people get killed on sailboats all the time

Ironic that she picked sailboats as a deranged killer of the human race, considering she drove an SUV that was more capable of taking out a kindergarten class.

(In true slippery slope fashion…)

It also reminded me of how many things that we don’t have in the US because of the Karen based attitudes of consumer safety/EPA oversight.

cue my favorite quote: “Someone aughta do something about this!”

If people didn’t depend on the government to do their parenting, we could have some cool stuff again.

We still wouldn’t have killer sailboats but we will always have wine drinking soccer moms plowing through school zones.

About freemattpodcast

Lead shill for The FreeMatt Podcast
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2 Responses to Sailboats Are A Modern Day Menace and Should Be Banned?

  1. Pingback: FreeMatt In Review: 8-30 to 9-2 | Mogadishu Matt

  2. My father in law has a holy sailboat. Only thing killing I think is grass.

    Liked by 1 person

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