I have decided to make a short departure from my usual format to feature a traditionally trashy piece from Buzzfeed.
It specifically showcased stories from women about their experiences on dates with “nice guys”. I had read their stories and had a weird set of takeaways.
I generally loath to dig through this kind of stuff. The vast majority of people highlighted and interviewed in Buzzfeed only fit a certain mold. I think that it sets a terrible example for both women and men.
(Many men seem to be either soy boys or male feminist types. The women appear to be the types that get wrecked by pick up artists or are delusional about their lives, realities in dealing with the opposite sex).
But outside of some vapid sounding responses, there were some tremendous takeaways that men should learn from, hell! Women should too!
My comments: Men, keep the comments until the person “earns it” or it is appropriate. Don’t make a woman your counselor. Ladies, don’t make a man your counselor, either.
What are you waiting for? Are you subtly showing the person that they are worth your time? It is stupid to talk about “waiting” and it is just as dumb to virtue signal this. (It is one thing that you would like to wait due to actual religious convictions or medical necessity, but it is stupid to make it a selling point when you are just saying it as a backwards flex).
This sounds like verbal diahrrea. It doesn’t sound like something an adult would say. It also doesn’t sound like you are speaking for your side of a story. I have made the argument that you should always assume that you either neglected to do something or something you did failed to go over as planned, looked like crap. Take some accountability, there is always something you can do differently.
No one wants to be given a chance. People want to be “the choice” out of one. Think about what the other person would like to hear. Don’t compliment a person in comparison to another person. Don’t tell anyone that you are a “nice person”, show someone you are a decent person. Nice is crap. Don’t tell, show.
Do not kidnap. When someone says something regarding their personal safety, acknowledge and hold them to it. For this instance, take them home or don’t take them at all. Drop someone that doesn’t want to be with you. Saying “no” is something that needs to be said by both women and men. I also differ from most people, don’t be “friends” with someone you are interested in. If things are not reciprocated by your “wanted” love interest, pop smoke.
Guys, read the situation. If there aren’t positive physical manifestations (body language, facial changes) from your lady accompaniment, end your night with a polite greeting. Ladies, if the date wasn’t up to snuff; follow-up shortly afterward with a text or a call explaining that you don’t want to carry on with them, finding that you don’t think that it would work out. Men, women are like city busses. There are plenty around and you can catch another in a little bit.
Are you being nice for you or for her? Are your actions in expectation for a response or are they genuinely for altruistic purposes? Maybe you should treat yourself better before you treat someone else. Ladies, if something is wrong, verbalize it. But be warned, don’t make your problems his problems. He can’t shoulder that much and if he does shoulder a bunch, he could be lying to you.
You are a dishonest person being a “nice girl”. You shouldn’t have started to begin with. Yeah, he got one over. He didn’t feel anything to lose and you dropped your proverbial hands.
To the woman: Why did you continue to date this guy after the second date? Were the free meals good? Were you practicing dating for someone else?
To the guy: You are an idiot. Four dates? Did you think that she had any attraction to you? Did she hint at wanting a relationship with you? Did she at least make a “show me your stick shift joke”? Could you at least read what her friends thought of you? I think that you should have figured out how she felt about you after the second date. If she physically didn’t show that she was attracted to you, you should have cut her out of your life.
To all men: Do women find fedoras and corduroy coats sexy? Can you shut up long enough to let your date talk? Ask her about her and let her talk about her life. If a woman ends the date early, walk away. Hell, you don’t have to say anything. Know your audience when you decide to call someone “dummy thick”. If you haven’t been given an opening to use something less sterile than usual, don’t use it.
To women: He isn’t “nice”. He is awkward and wound up. He didn’t know that there were other women on the planet that he should be dating. Ignore his desperation and carry on.
I will continue this piece next week due to its length. Please feel free to leave a comment below or send an email to email@example.com