The Matters w/ Matt: Beyond All The Niceties pt 2

Dear Readers:

This is a continuation from last week’s feature using a traditionally trashy piece from Buzzfeed.

It specifically showcased stories from women about their experiences on dates with “nice guys”. I had read their stories and had a weird set of takeaways.

(Many men seem to be either soy boys or male feminist types. The women appear to be the types that get wrecked by pick up artists or are delusional about their lives, realities in dealing with the opposite sex).

I give some takeaways for both men and women

My comments: You ran into someone that is blatantly inexperienced or brainwashed by dumb media. He needs to learn boundaries. (He also needs to learn to not “sh*t where you eat”). I think that you should have reported him to an immediate supervisor and human resources both.

To the man: Communication of expectations is needed here. You owe it to someone early in a potential relationship to not surprise or shock someone, especially when it my develop “flight or fight” cultural issues.

To the female commenter: A smart man will wait to spring a family meet and greet on you until you both have made it to a stronger point in the relationship. An invite or an appropriate heads up would suffice.

To the man: Not everyone works on your schedule. If you feel this passionate about love, you need to be focusing your energy in a wider spread. You also need to be doing something else with your time. I live by the adage; a watched head never gets eaten by ants.

To the female commenter: You handled it the right way. He seems to lack impulse control. The red flags were shown early in the game.

To the man: Without the correct type of physical cues, your comments were stupid at best. Subtlety and patience are more attractive traits. Please learn this for your future endevaors.

To the female commenter: He might have tried to be cheeky or funny, but it was flat. He misread the situation. (I tell any man who ends up getting a forehead kiss or a “turnaway” should slow down his involvement. I also would have told him that attraction can’t be feigned). If you do find a man that withdraws from you after another situation like this and you desire to see him again, initiate.

To the men:  You need to have an awakening and find out what it takes to find someone worth f*cking. It takes being a man of worth. It is called evolution and the Golden Rule. Time to examine where you stand in your own life. To repeat a talking point is not being a person of substance, but a self imposed automaton.

To the woman: The men that you had interactions with are not proper representations of the world, but a small subsection. Those men seemed to be programmed caricatures at best. Someone with some dignity could have finished a date after being polite, then been upfront with you in a more polite way, wishing you well after mentioning that they don’t wish to continue further.

To the man: Don’t tell anyone that you are “nice”. Great chance that you aren’t. A decent person sets good boundaries. A decent person is there for a friend in a limited way that doesn’t outstrip their ability to take care of themselves. This isn’t “nice”. Also, you can’t save a woman from herself or bad relationships. That is her job. Find someone that is ready for a mutual relationship and not a hand out.

To the female commenter: Men like that have a lot of self work to do. A smart man doesn’t boast of niceties. He may do them but not crow about it. It is one thing that someone does something with no expectation of a return, but it is a foul when the person has unspoken weighted expectations connected to their actions. Screen well for those that signal such things.

To the man: You may need to learn that not all women’s bodies work on some textbook calendar. Also, you may want to keep your requests in regards to birth control under wraps until you are near a point of understanding, close to the woman. You may also want to grow up. If you can’t handle seeing lesbians, how can you handle real dangers?

To the woman: This “man” has apparently been starved of social situations and lacks some form of class. As I had said before; a smart man would have some rudimentary understanding of women’s matters, but shut their mouth about what they learned, until a more appropriate time comes. Please don’t judge all men on the action of one poorly socialized male.

To the man: Talking sex with strangers only works if you are a therapist. It isn’t an opener for someone you are interested in. Please control your impulses. Not everyone feels the way that you do and that is okay.

To the female commenter: This person seems to lack social graces of any type. A normal person would keep initial conversations to a series of safer topics, unless a natural progression allowed for the opportunity to present itself. I would make an argument that the person you were dating was either conditioned by an electronic existence or even possibly “on the spectrum”.

To the man: In the future, understand the hierarchy of needs of other people. Your date is a human being. To be considerate is to be smart. If someone says that they don’t feel well and they need to leave, see them out or offer to do the proper thing; make sure that they aren’t sick-sick. Do not narrate your insecurities to describe other’s actions. Their actions are often due to factors beyond your control. The world does not revolve around you.

To the female commenter: Some people are too stupid to recognize discomfort in other people. You may want to chalk this one up to a learning experience. Not everyone inserts their insecurities on to other people. The health men around you will just accept things instead of strategizing your intentions.  

To men: The Art of Charm podcast has occasionally talked about having meaningful conversations. Value someone else’s time like you should want yours valued. No woman wants to be actively ignored. If you are interested in her; show her by being interested. If you aren’t; be upfront with her. Stop wasting your time and hers. Learn what cues are, when someone is receptive to being touched. If you are unsure, ask.

To women: This person sounds poorly socialized and lacking in social skills. I would encourage you to ask them questions about what you are talking about in the future. This will be a further gauge if they are capable of conversations, or if they lack any form of empathy.

To men: How can you expect a woman to be with you if you make her feel like sh*t?  If you have a problem with how they make money, don’t date them. Also, be an adult. At the minimum, most women expect you to handle your own logistics.

To the female commenter: Don’t let the one bad experience with him taint your vision when it comes to people of his profession. Even if there are carriers of stereotypes. I think you handled it as well as most could. Please continue to have a good handle on these situations. It will benefit you well in the future.

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4 Responses to The Matters w/ Matt: Beyond All The Niceties pt 2

  1. audremyers says:

    It’s like a completely different planet, isn’t it?

    I had date with someone new (you know this was years ago – but not that long ago). Lovely local place for dinner – just the right casual and ‘nice’. We ordered dinner and drinks. And the next hour was a job application. He had a young teenage daughter (he was divorced) and wanted my view on lesbians (sort of makes you wonder why ….), thoughts on school work, social life for teenage girls, etc.

    After dinner, we stepped out of the restaurant. I thanked him for a very nice dinner and said I was afraid I wasn’t quite what he was looking for as I had already raised a family and not looking for a new one. I was frank but kind.

    I wonder if I would have gotten the ‘job’?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. feeriker says:

    I’m a “geezer” who has been out of the dating scene for years, so I have no idea what to make of this. All of these strike me as examples of “guy on the Asperger’s/Autism spectrum meets solipsistic/narcissistic girl.” Is this typical of “relationships” among Millennials and GenZers?

    Liked by 2 people

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