Every Wednesday: I never fail to be disgusted with advice columns. I am unsure why they still get paid to do what they do. As always, I am in awe when it comes to awful examples like Dear Abby and Dear Annie. The columnists seem to get rewarded for giving you bad advice. I think that people get terrible advice from them. I don’t blame anyone that calls advice column responses garbage. I use my postings to correct these responses and help society by being an utmost asshole, (as always, a hat tip to Aaron Clarey at Asshole Consulting).
Consider Dear Prudence article (courtesy of Slate) from May 15, 2022:
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for nine months, and he’s kind, gentle, and thoughtful. But last week I had an experience that has given me pause. My apartment building has been hit by burglars several times over the past few months. Last week, my boyfriend and I came home and were surprised by a burglar coming out of my apartment door. My boyfriend confronted him, and the burglar charged at him—whether to push past or attack, it’s hard to say. My boyfriend quickly subdued the burglar and told me to call 9-1-1.
Here’s where it gets disturbing. He very calmly told the burglar, “Now it’s time for you to learn your lesson.” And he proceeded to beat the man unconscious, deaf to my protests that he should stop. My boyfriend handled the police (I didn’t contradict him) such that they were ready to pin a medal on him. The burglar left in an ambulance. My boyfriend’s capacity for violence came as a total, and disturbing, surprise—even more for the fact that he was not in a rage; it was deliberate and methodical. But I am not sure how to raise my concerns with him. It would come off as cheeky caviling to basically say, “I don’t like the way you defended me and my property from a criminal.” How can I talk about this with him? Am I wrong to find this scary and worrisome?
—— Vigilante Boyfriend
Dear Vigilante Boyfriend:
In tragic times; we do not call out for Batman. The vast majority of us call out for help and never have a response. Most of us are happy to have someone comfort us after being victimized. But I depart from what many people have said about your boyfriend.
I don’t believe that you can talk with him about what happened. He has a survivor’s instinct. I also believe that he had finally gotten sick of watching the world become apathetic and victimized. Your boyfriend most likely was sick of “no one stepping up”.
I am not celebrating that he seemed to have been pushed into this. I don’t think that the degradation of order is a good thing. I hope that your boyfriend can get help if he desires it.
But I do raise a question for you to ponder; Would you rather have a boyfriend who can act in self preservation or would you rather have someone who will fold? You must answer this as you reflect back on what happened.
I don’t imagine that I will have a shortage of emails to answer. I would love to start doing this for anyone that sends me an email. If this is you; email us at firstname.lastname@example.org
If you hate advice columns; I don’t blame you. If it isn’t soft people giving advice; it is someone trying to justify acting like an insensitive asshole. Till next week.