Internal Chaos Is A Condition That Should Not Give You Meaning

I bemoan the ignoble among me, those that choose to turn their noses up at some level of enlightenment. On a few sporadic days, my skin seems to be on fire, at least under a few layers.

Stress and people that appear to have no ability to interact with others (emote?) seem to make things worse. I may not like interacting with “space mutants” but I don’t hate them. On the contrary, I secretly wish well for them. Or at least I wish them peace.

I had been pondering some of the leftist types I have had run ins with. (I am not speaking of classical liberals or someone that has some ability to try to solve anything). I wanted to share one of those experiences.

I found myself on the campus of a small state run college that serves many working students. I enjoyed watching flag football games when I was waiting for paperwork, or in some timelines; dropping off boxes.

There weren’t that many students living around there. But I did run into the buildings and grounds crew, various science program folks, and the library staff. All were diligent and polite. But one of my most memorable run-ins was one of the most bizarre.

I ran into someone who I recognized. It was one of the newspaper staff. I hadn’t emailed or called this person, but I had read their stuff. For the most part, the newspaper was informative with little “opinion”. My openers for conversation were relatively sterile. Most would find those “easy” to handle. The newspaper was an easy one, amongst other low hanging fruit. I was wrong.

I found it easy to chat. I learn a lot from people that spent more time around there. But I found that it was easy to set people off. The newspaper “editor” was a relatively chunky white woman in her late 30s. I asked her about the paper and how it was going. Her answer was a bit acidic.

She was crowing about everything negative. It was always someone else’s fault that her “rag” didn’t have funding. etc.. The conversation quickly went to shit. She mentioned that no conservatives would give the school money for that from the state and she wasn’t much of a salesperson to the people that actually ran the school. In true running sprit, she tried a virtue signal/dance explanation that she used to be a Republican.

I attempted to induce some laughter when I mentioned that a prominent libertarian (Loretta Nall) had ran for the governor’s office. Her marketing was light hearted, she was known as the “Boob Lady”. I explained to her that it was well known that her people said it was “better to vote for these boobs instead of the one’s that had been failing you in Montgomery”. The newspaper aficionado adopted an ugly face that I had seen on the face of many man hating types with no humor.

I ended up hearing an earful of “I volunteer for democratic elections” and various other “blah blahs”. I found it easy to verbalize my leave due to such droll company.

It seemed to be that she had this level of “heat” imbedded in her skin. She was unable to escape it and it seemed to fester. It was sad that an adopted chaos seemed to give her meaning.

She could have chosen to give others a clean slate, possible an even keel when using naval parlance. The adopted negativity haunts her without her knowing it.

I do my “darndest” to not do this in my life. I may not feel like the “kumbaya” hippy and love everyone, but I feel like it would poison to hold a grudge on the inside of my metaphysical core. I am not trying to find reasons to have heart attacks and die alone. You shouldn’t either.

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About freemattpodcast

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5 Responses to Internal Chaos Is A Condition That Should Not Give You Meaning

  1. feeriker says:

    Having bitterness, negativity, and poison be their life’s fuel might seem to give some people purpose in life, but it actually is just a slow-acting cancer that ultimately destroys them.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Pingback: FreeMatt in Review: 6-6 to 6-10 | Mogadishu Matt

  3. Pingback: Internal Chaos Is A Condition That Should Not Give You Meaning — Mogadishu Matt | Vermont Folk Troth

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