The Matters w/ Matt: A Foot Short Sub Combo

Every Wednesday: I never fail to be disgusted with advice columns. I am unsure why they still get paid to do what they do. As always, I am in awe when it comes to awful examples like Dear Prudence and Dear Abby. The columnists seem to get rewarded for giving you bad advice. I think that people get terrible advice from them. I don’t blame anyone that calls advice column responses garbage. I use my postings to correct these responses and help society by being an utmost asshole, (as always, a hat tip to Aaron Clarey at Asshole Consulting).

Consider this Science Advice Goddess article (courtesy of Arcamax) from May 31, 2022:

Dear (Matters):

I’m a single dude in my 30s, and I really want a girlfriend, but I keep striking out with women. My female co-worker says that if I want a relationship, I need to upgrade my shoes. I wear a pair of super-comfy New Balance sneakers that I’ve had since college…yes, even wearing them on dates. In the summer, I wear Crocs sandals. What’s the problem? Are girls really that shallow?


Dear Footloose:

I found myself walking into a cool, comfortable grocery store. I had a huge journey to get there. I walked through the woods, on the hot pavement, and over unsmoothed concrete. When I got to the store; I got weird looks. Could they not see the huge journey? Could they not see the dangers I faced? They could not. They saw what was in front of them. They saw what gave them comfort or unease. The people saw my bare feet.

The women you run into aren’t shallow, they are survivors. They see a man who doesn’t wears a man’s foot wear. The crocs appear lazy. The sneakers are just that, sneakers. Shoes are not one sized fits all. Most women see this, either through conscious or unconscious means.

I personally worry that you are giving them a window into your psyche. You may appear to not be ready for another person in your life. Various elements in your life may have remained un-tackled. The shoes are just on the surface.

I had a tough time navigating the next chapters of my life. I hung on to many things from the past and it was apparent in my appearance. I had tired, sleeveless shirts. I never had anything that could be worn at “adult” events like baptisms, court. I found my spirits low.

It took years but I made myself comfortable with small changes at first. I had work shoes and sneakers. I bought decent oxfords. I bought black socks so I wouldn’t be garish. I let go of the old times for they didn’t serve me.

I do not believe that people around me are shallow. I believe that they can sniff out who is willing to try or who still desires to channel Peter Pan. People can see who has a grip on what is possible, and they can see who brings a misunderstanding to simple situations. It is up to us to put the best foot forward.


I don’t imagine that I will have a shortage of emails to answer. I would love to start doing this for anyone that sends me an email. If this is you; email us at

If you hate advice columns; I don’t blame you. If it isn’t soft people giving advice; it is someone trying to justify acting like an insensitive asshole. Till next week.

About freemattpodcast

Lead shill for The FreeMatt Podcast
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1 Response to The Matters w/ Matt: A Foot Short Sub Combo

  1. Pingback: FreeMatt in Review: 6-13 to 6-17 | Mogadishu Matt

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