The Matters w/ Matt: Now That I Am Starving…

Every Wednesday: I never fail to be disgusted with advice columns. I am unsure why they still get paid to do what they do. As always, I am in awe when it comes to awful examples like Dear Prudence and Dear Abby. The columnists seem to get rewarded for giving you bad advice. I think that people get terrible advice from them. I don’t blame anyone that calls advice column responses garbage. I use my postings to correct these responses and help society by being an utmost asshole, (as always, a hat tip to Aaron Clarey at Asshole Consulting).

Consider this Dear Annie article (courtesy of from June 24, 2022:

Dear (Matters):

My husband and I met while he was going through a challenging divorce and instantly fell in love. Because we have a significant age difference, he wanted to get married and start having kids as soon as possible. His best friend “Robert” made it clear that he did not approve of our relationship or engagement. (Keep in mind, this friend has had wine bottles broken over his head by his cheating wife.)

At our wedding, Robert and his wife chose to not give a gift because of their disapproval. After the wedding, he taunted my husband that he has a card with the gift in it, but my husband and I don’t deserve a wedding gift. Later on, Robert decided, when he sees fit, he will send the wedding gift.

When Robert thought he was striking it rich, he decided to go radio silent for eight months. Now that the guy lost his job, he calls my husband daily, demanding and harassing him to help get him a job.

We are coming on our four-year anniversary — still no gift. Robert’s daughters are graduating from college. My husband wants to send a generous gift, as we would typically do for our friends and family. I said we can send a card congratulating them on their accomplishments. When we receive the wedding gift, we can send our typical graduation gifts.


Dear Disappointed:

We all think that it is great when we landed a well-deserved punch. We always want to knock out an idiot. The reality is that we often knock down someone’s grandmother when we finally get into that dream fight.

I discourage you from throwing punches here, but I encourage you to walk away with dignity. I would send Robert’s daughters a gift along with a card. I would be happy for them. But I have a different idea about Robert and his wife.

I would act like they don’t exist. I would give up having any contact with them. I would kiss that card and theoretical gift goodbye. Your future can look better than your past.

You never know. Robert may fix his life and actually try to be an adult. I wouldn’t hold my breath though.

For now, all you can do is wish him peace and stability. I would encourage you to embrace others in your life that value you. It is okay to be the change you want to be in the world, but it doesn’t mean that you have to stop and change the world in the meantime.


I don’t imagine that I will have a shortage of emails to answer. I would love to start doing this for anyone that sends me an email. If this is you; email us at

If you hate advice columns; I don’t blame you. If it isn’t soft people giving advice; it is someone trying to justify acting like an insensitive asshole. Till next week.

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1 Response to The Matters w/ Matt: Now That I Am Starving…

  1. Pingback: FreeMatt in Review: 6-20 to 6-24 | Mogadishu Matt

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