The Matters w/ Matt: Don’t Call Me By The Wrong Name

Every Wednesday: I never fail to be disgusted with advice columns. I am unsure why they still get paid to do what they do. As always, I am in awe when it comes to awful examples like Dear Prudence and Dear Annie. The columnists seem to get rewarded for giving you bad advice. I think that people get terrible advice from them. I don’t blame anyone that calls advice column responses garbage. I use my postings to correct these responses and help society by being an utmost asshole, (as always, a hat tip to Aaron Clarey at Asshole Consulting).

Consider this Dear Abby article (courtesy of Arcamax) from July 20, 2022:

Dear (Matters):

My son is getting married for the third time. I paid for half of his first wedding and also gave a generous gift. I gave him a significant cash gift for his second wedding. Do I give him and his new bride yet another cash gift?

They are planning a small wedding overseas, which I won’t be attending. All have been — or will be — first weddings for the brides. I don’t want the new bride to feel slighted, but on the other hand, it’s getting really expensive for me. They live a nomadic life, so material gifts would not be appreciated by them. What’s a perplexed mother to do?

         — DISGUSTED 

Dear Disgusted:

I had an old neighbor send me an invitation to a destination wedding that was quite of a bit a drive for me. I looked in my pockets for financial inspiration. I had been working seven days a week for eight hour shifts. I thanked them for the invitation but I leveled with them.

I guess I have dodged a few bullets in that I don’t get invited to too many other weddings. One of the few other weddings I went to were often near where a relative lived. I had someone to crash with and there was a level of forgiveness when it came to attire.

To be blunt; you might want to be upfront. Hell; tell him your tapped. Be upfront that you only planned to do this once and it is getting tedious. You don’t need a reason, just tell him it is not something you can entertain.

As for your future daughter in law, have a “heart-to-heart” with her. In your private conversation, explain that it has tapped you out financially and emotionally. Make it up to her by being a sympathetic ear when she needs help. Do your best to not be a “monster-in-law” but a cherished family member.


I don’t imagine that I will have a shortage of emails to answer. I would love to start doing this for anyone that sends me an email. If this is you; email us at

If you hate advice columns; I don’t blame you. If it isn’t soft people giving advice; it is someone trying to justify acting like an insensitive asshole. Till next week.

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1 Response to The Matters w/ Matt: Don’t Call Me By The Wrong Name

  1. Pingback: FreeMatt in Review: 7-18 to 7-22 (2022) | Mogadishu Matt

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