The Matters w/ Matt: Cool Handjob Luke

Every Wednesday: I never fail to be disgusted with advice columns. I am unsure why they still get paid to do what they do. As always, I am in awe when it comes to awful examples like Dear Prudence and Dear Annie. The columnists seem to get rewarded for giving you bad advice. I think that people get terrible advice from them. I don’t blame anyone that calls advice column responses garbage. I use my postings to correct these responses and help society by being an utmost asshole, (as always, a hat tip to Aaron Clarey at Asshole Consulting).

Consider this How To Do It article (courtesy of Slate) from July 27, 2022:

Dear (Matters):

On the day Roe v. Wade was overturned, my wife was understandably furious (as was I). She saw a meme that said something to the effect of “no sex with men until all women have access to abortions” and latched onto it.

After about a week without sex, I tried to initiate a discussion. I vote blue and actually do more activism work than her, so she doesn’t have any complaints about me, specifically. Plus, we live in a state where (thankfully) there is currently no threat to abortion rights, so it’s not a matter of worrying about what would happen if she unexpectedly got pregnant.

She agreed… but rather than resuming our sex life, she went public with this strike to try to recruit more people to join in! Now, our sexless marriage has become sort of a joke in our circle of friends.

She says that she was happy with our sex life before, but that this is really important to her, and she feels like she’s doing something in a situation that makes her feel powerless. I sympathize and want women to have access to abortions, too, but I don’t want my sex life to be on hold indefinitely. What should I do?

   –Blue Balls 

Dear Blue Balls:

I once knew a silent man who could not be bothered to respond with words. People would say “hello” as they passed by him, but the silent man said nothing. A woman at a bar would bat her eyelashes, then ask him: “My place or yours?” He wouldn’t say which one. The woman left without him after hearing nothing. The same man became despondent and wouldn’t ask for help. The silent man took his own life by jumping off of a bridge. No one heard a peep and no one ever knew what happened to that silent man.

A joint venture, as in a relationship, requires input from all parties. People have a natural expectation for things to go smoothly and when they hear no negative news, they believe it to be “swimmingly”. We are often inviting errors when we fail to say what is wrong. We will often repeat an action as if it is right, if we have no correcting voice to tell us when something runs afoul.

Your partner thinks that you are supportive of her crusade and knows nothing wrong of what she does. It is up to you to tell her what you want. Her crusade may mean that much to her. Before you talk to her about what the crusade prescribes for everyone, you must ask what your boundaries are. You should know what you want before you speak to her about the future.

I would encourage you to learn to understand the folly of agreeing as a default setting. You may disagree with someone and you owe it to them to not agree to be nice. To be yourself is not to fold for others, but it is to be solid within yourself.

I hope that all works out for you and that you find peace in the future.

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I don’t imagine that I will have a shortage of emails to answer. I would love to start doing this for anyone that sends me an email. If this is you; email us at freemattpodcast@gmail.com

If you hate advice columns; I don’t blame you. If it isn’t soft people giving advice; it is someone trying to justify acting like an insensitive asshole. Till next week.

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4 Responses to The Matters w/ Matt: Cool Handjob Luke

  1. I think the best outcome would be if they both got run over by a mobile abortion clinic.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Pingback: Ignorance is Their Strength | okrahead

  3. Pingback: Sexual Authority and Sanctification | Σ Frame

  4. Pingback: FreeMatt In Review: 8-8 to 8-12 (2022) | Mogadishu Matt

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