Every Wednesday: I never fail to be disgusted with advice columns. I am unsure why they still get paid to do what they do. As always, I am in awe when it comes to awful examples like Dear Prudence and Dear Abby. The columnists seem to get rewarded for giving you bad advice. I think that people get terrible advice from them. I don’t blame anyone that calls advice column responses garbage. I use my postings to correct these responses and help society by being an utmost asshole, (as always, a hat tip to Aaron Clarey at Asshole Consulting).
Consider this Dear Annie article (courtesy of Arcamax) from August 31, 2022:
I have been with my girlfriend for three years. She and her physically disabled son have lived with me for almost two years. I’ve been very unhappy in this relationship for a while now. I don’t think she treats me very well. She trashes my house and interrupts me every time I speak. Her jealousy is over the top. She smokes in the house and drops ashes all over my bed.
Another major issue is her drinking. She starts drinking hard alcohol in the middle of the afternoon. Any time we get together with my friends, she’s slurring her words and talking nonsense. She even drives around with a drink in the car, sometimes when her son is with her.
I don’t want to sound superficial, but all the soda, alcohol and daily fast food has changed her appearance and made me lose physical attraction to her.
She doesn’t make much money and doesn’t have anywhere to go. I can’t just put her and her son out on the street with nothing. I feel like I’m trapped. What can I do?
A smarter man once told me that “no man needs a daughter out of a grown woman”. He had asked me several things that made me question my behavior when it came to adult relationships. I found out that I hadn’t served anyone by letting things drag on. My life changed when I stopped feeling bad about making tough decisions.
I have a good reason to believe that you are at that point in your life. You have described someone that can’t take care of themselves or effectively participate in a relationship. This dying relationship is sinking and you should swim for the proverbial shore now. Looking back is where you find the wisdom and relief.
I want you to ask you a few tough questions:
What are you getting out of taking care of this person?
Is it doing this person any good?
Are you making things worse?
I had been in your shoes. There is only so much a person can do. It is also overlooked that many people that are trying to save others are actually hurting that person. Preventing someone from being accountable for their actions is a way to reward bad behavior.
In the future, I would learn to say no early and often. You need to focus on you and what you can do for yourself. Find someone that wants to be a participating member of your life and not a project with a supposed promise of a future pay out.
“No” isn’t an ugly word and you shouldn’t feel bad for saying it.
I don’t imagine that I will have a shortage of emails to answer. I would love to start doing this for anyone that sends me an email. If this is you; email us at email@example.com
If you hate advice columns; I don’t blame you. If it isn’t soft people giving advice; it is someone trying to justify acting like an insensitive asshole. Till next week.