The Matters w/ Matt: I Don’t Have A Boner To Pick

Every Wednesday: I never fail to be disgusted with advice columns. I am unsure why they still get paid to do what they do. As always, I am in awe when it comes to awful examples like Dear Prudence and Dear Abby. The columnists seem to get rewarded for giving you bad advice. I think that people get terrible advice from them. I don’t blame anyone that calls advice column responses garbage. I use my postings to correct these responses and help society by being an utmost asshole, (as always, a hat tip to Aaron Clarey at Asshole Consulting).

Consider this How To Do It article (courtesy of Slate) from September 18, 2022:

Dear (Matters):

Back in 2018, my boyfriend (38 at the time) caught a virus that was circulating at an event we were helping produce, which wiped out a good third of attendees for about a week. After he was sick, his libido never returned.

He’s been to the doctor and had all the blood/hormone tests done to check his testosterone and everything came back normal; he just completely lost any interest in physical intimacy with me or anyone else. I know that antidepressants and lifestyle choices can also lead to this kind of situation, but he had been on antidepressants for years before this; it was clear that his being sick was the dividing line in the before/after. I also know that stress can play a big role in this, but many of his major stressors have gone away with finding a good job and inheritance bringing financial security.

Thankfully, the COVID pandemic has brought more attention to the loss of libido and permanent effects that viral illnesses can have, so I know this isn’t an isolated case, but I still don’t know if there’s anything else we can do—as far as I know, medication like Viagra for physical issues aren’t aphrodisiacs and don’t have an impact on libido. He has talked a lot about how he’s identifying more and more as asexual now, and I was curious what your thoughts were on that since I read recently (possibly here, but I’m not sure) that you don’t “become” asexual as a result of something physical like an illness or traumatic event, but it seems like that’s happening here. Is there anything else that we haven’t thought of (diet, exercise, lifestyle changes, etc.) in bringing his libido back? Or do I have to just accept that I’m in a companionate relationship instead of a romantic relationship now?

—Another Kind

Dear Another Kind:

I always find it wild that everyone can find a label or an excuse for what can be described easily. I fondly remember George Carlin (RIP) speaking about this in one of his bits, reflecting that people use certain words when others work better. I have some non-weasel words of advice for you about your sexless predicament.

It isn’t that I think your man was sick, had a malady, or is suffering from a chemical punishment. I think your man might be a victim of social contagion. I think that he thinks that he is asexual because of someone else. He might have known other people talking about this and was unduly influenced.

One of the few other conjectures that I know could fit here is that he might not give a shit about boning you. He has been around for four or more years. He grew comfortable with being with you, not on you. He may have become bored or unenthused. No one besides him would really know.

Outside of the dramatic stoppage in play, I would cover all my bases. I would check to see if there was something that might have gone wrong between you two. He might consider going to get professional counseling for himself. I sure as heck think he should visit a men’s health clinic on a normal basis.

I wish you luck, but it is both of your battles to fight. Communicate with each other more than strangers. Seek actual help and don’t assume anything.

—————————————————————————————————————————

I don’t imagine that I will have a shortage of emails to answer. I would love to start doing this for anyone that sends me an email. If this is you; email us at freemattpodcast@gmail.com If you hate advice columns; I don’t blame you. If it isn’t soft people giving advice; it is someone trying to justify acting like an insensitive asshole. Till next week.

https://slate.com/human-interest/2022/09/poly-girlfriend-relationship-boundary-advice.html

About freemattpodcast

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1 Response to The Matters w/ Matt: I Don’t Have A Boner To Pick

  1. Pingback: FreeMatt in Review: 9-19 to 9-23 (2022) | Mogadishu Matt

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