I have made it blatantly clear that I hate when people throw around the term “friend” loosely. I am a friendly person but I don’t label people easily. I wish that we would use acquaintance as loose as we use friend. I think that we should earn friend status.
I have met a cross section of people that purposely mistreat their friends. Of course the same people wonder why they don’t have friends when their most steadfast friends disappear. Most people can see that these people shouldn’t have friends when they themselves suck as being friends.
As the title had mentioned, you might not want to be my friend. I am tough on people. I do my best to not donate drama to others, but my social expectations exceed what is popular in vapid culture. I don’t like when people don’t have the ability to discern or develop a sense of understanding. I also don’t like when people feel empowered to naturally snitch under unstressed conditions as if they will be rewarded. (I have mentioned that many of these people would be the first ones to rat on their friends and think nothing of it when said friends get loaded onto a train car to a dead end concentration camp). It isn’t that I believe in creating secrets to keep, but I think that the most powerful are those that have the power to shut up.
A friend of mine had mentioned friends help you to solve problems. Two of those examples given were fixing a computer and burying a body. I have a friend, who I consider family, that is like this. He is the guy that will help you wrench up a vehicle or make magic happen. He is always there and I beg him for an opportunity to help him out.
On the inverse, I (past tense) had a “friend” that was a time sucker and hurt everyone they considered friends.
(I had written a post about her and her husband in a previous post below):
I have had to turn down people for the opportunity to be a friend and I also have had people turn me down, which was great for all involved. I had someone ask me out to have a beer. The guy wasn’t mature and still isn’t. He wouldn’t make a good business partner or a friend. I dodged a bullet. I also had words with someone that had called me a friend but barely knew me. I asked them the following: Would you hang up on me at 3 am, when I call you from the airport looking for a ride? The person gave me a blank smile and a loopy gaze. I didn’t let them answer. I said that I ask little of my actual friends. (Yes, if I am around and you are a friend, I would rather give you a ride than let the police bust you for drunk driving).
I am a shoulder to cry on when it is worth crying about. But I am not a counselor nor do I want to steal time from a counselor. I can only do so much and I think that it is dishonest to flood a “friend” with all of your problems. I think it was Rob that said women wanted to be heard (or for us to listen). I am aware that I can only do so much. I can’t help someone that won’t help themselves or continually screw up the same thing. This isn’t insensitivity.
I think you are a crappy friend when you can’t realize that you are flooding a friend. I also think you can be a crappy friend when you don’t cut off a person that is flooding you or won’t tell them to get counseling (or other professional help). I believe that good boundaries make great neighbors and friends.
I would rather have lackluster acquaintances instead of friends like that. I have “lost” people along the way because of maturing in life. I hurt that I needed to do so, but a friendship based on something unhealthy isn’t much of a friendship to begin with.
(I would need a separate posting to discuss my belief in that “I don’t f*ck friends” and what a “friend with benefits” really means to me).