Every Wednesday: I never fail to be disgusted with advice columns. I am unsure why they still get paid to do what they do. As always, I am in awe when it comes to awful examples like Dear Prudence and Dear Abby. The columnists seem to get rewarded for giving you bad advice. I think that people get terrible advice from them. I don’t blame anyone that calls advice column responses garbage. I use my postings to correct these responses and help society by being an utmost asshole, (as always, a hat tip to Aaron Clarey at Asshole Consulting).
Consider this Dear Annie article (courtesy of Annie Lane @ Arcamax ) from December 8, 2022:
Dear (Matters):
Almost 15 years ago, my older sister removed me from her life after a series of messy arguments. At the time, she just stopped taking my calls and waited for me to leave family functions before going. She told our three siblings and mother that she didn’t want me in her life. She likely gave them reasons but never allowed anyone to tell me.
When she ghosted me, I was heartbroken. I bugged everyone for years, asking how she was, crying about how much I missed her. I made many attempts to reconnect that were met with silence or warnings from family that she was still angry at me, but no one could ever say for what.
A few times, she asked our oldest sister to bring my kids for her to see them without me or my husband. My husband refused because he has never met her. I agreed with him.
Recently, I came to the conclusion that my sister removing me from her life was a blessing. She was toxic, and our relationship is a long history of cruelty on her part and a lack of boundaries mixed with codependency on mine. I told our oldest sister just that.
Mere days after that conversation with my oldest sister, my estranged sister messaged my teenage children on social media. She told them she was their aunt and that just because she and I don’t get along doesn’t mean she shouldn’t have a relationship with them.
I responded by telling her she made the choice 15 years ago that we aren’t family, that it was a blessing and she needs to leave my kids alone. Then I blocked her on their accounts.
She responded by sending my husband — who she’s never met or spoken to — a message for me and then blocking him. Her argument was that I had played the victim for 15 years, that I was hateful and didn’t support her. She said that I was using my kids as leverage. She called me toxic and stated that she was disappointed I didn’t make any efforts to know her kids. She also stated repeatedly that I had been talking badly about her to everyone during the last 15 years.
I am very confused at this point. I don’t know what she’s been told for 15 years about what I’ve said because no one has told me anything. If I am toxic, why would she want me to have a relationship with her kids?
I believe I’m doing the right thing by keeping my teenagers away from her because I know how she treated me throughout our childhood and young adult years. She is not a safe person.
My siblings, their spouses and kids all seem to love her and have great relationships with her. It feels like most of the time, though, that if I don’t reach out to them, I don’t hear from them at all.
I’m now questioning if I should remove my three siblings from my life, too, as it sounds like they have been telling her I’m saying things. They’ve also been completely complacent in her alienation of me.
—– Confused
Dear Confused:
I walked around a room one time. I swore that I smelled mold or at least something that got wet, then sat around for too long. I complained that I couldn’t find the source of the stink. I also complained that it was everywhere.
I had to stop and pause. I grabbed my whiskers and put them closer to my face. It smelled awful. I failed to wash and dry my mustache properly.
This brings me to a great idea: If you feel that everyone needs to be cut off, you might be the moldy mustache. You may have a proverbial dirty floor nearby. There might be a trash bag with old food that needs to be taken out, but you can do your part to eliminate sources of “foul” in your life.
I’m not saying you weren’t wronged, but you haven’t done your due diligence to stop an ugly cycle. You can let your kids and family make their own decisions to whom they stay in contact with. You can choose how you feel. You can set the best example.
You could decide to be the bigger person. Every day that you wake up could be the last day of your life. Be better for you. You can live a better life.
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I don’t imagine that I will have a shortage of emails to answer. I would love to start doing this for anyone that sends me an email. If this is you; email us at freemattpodcast@gmail.com
If you hate advice columns; I don’t blame you. If it isn’t soft people giving advice; it is someone trying to justify acting like an insensitive asshole. Till next week.
Mogadishu Matt 