The Folly of The Man with 1000 Friends

I present to you a real-life walking lesson. He is a real person that has continued a dangerous path that many men have taken in the past. He makes bad judgements and doesn’t make hard boundaries with the people around him. This man is named “Pete” and this is the man with 1000 friends.

I don’t fault Pete for living in one area and connecting with people. I am envious of this. My shallow roots have hurt me when it comes to opportunities for making lasting connections. (I feel like Cornelius in Fight Club, noticing single serving friends disappearing at the end of the journey). I would like to find more people to connect with that hold similar systems of thought. Pete seems to run into plenty of people he knows and has some basic causal link to. But this is not the error.

The error is calling everyone a “friend”. He, like many other modern people, have watered down the definition of “friend”. Pete sees people that he has met before and loops them in. It is a deadly idea. These people, that have never put out their systems of beliefs, might not have a congruent life plan. They might be parasites or hell bent on destroying themselves. Without filtering; one would not know if this acquaintance is actually a friend. The folly, which is one of a programmable mindset maneuver, is that labeling a person something that they did not earn allows for bad people to slip into your mist. The most sociopathic person can find themselves into your life and your pocketbook, bleeding you dry and allowing them to set up shop to possibly infect the healthy people around you. It is more than money and connections; it is clouded judgement of a sexual nature.

Although this piece of advice falls heavily among men; it can apply to women to. Don’t muddy the waters of your friends and lovers. (You can interchange a few words in the following piece of advice that I saw in an email from Kyle Trouble. It can apply to you easily): (sisterhood/brotherhood, female/male, her/him, he/she, brothers/sisters)

I don’t know about “Pete”, but personally, why go on a dating site and then “make friends”.

Female friends are overrated. A man needs brotherhood with his friends. Not sisterhood. There is almost nothing a female friend can bring most men to the table.

One, you shouldn’t need her as a shoulder to cry on, because you shouldn’t be crying in the first place.

Two, she can’t help you move.

Three, when it comes down to it, she’s unable to understand what you go through as a man because she has never been through it, and women’s biology dictates that they have a really, really tough time actually understanding anything outside of their personal portal.

Any who, like I said, men need brothers as friends.

I have impressed on Pete that it clouds his judgement on women to call them “friends”. He often mistakenly calls women that he has sexual interest as “friends”. I learned in my own life that it is a great disservice to you to do this. It also openly skews a ladies’ view of you and marks you for failure. Pete seems to love edging up to the point of moving to “after hours” activities but being disappointed later. I honestly don’t know if it is misplaced braggadocio or ignorance on his part. I had explained to him that you don’t screw friends and you don’t ask too much of your lovers. You keep them separate for your own mental state. (And lord knows that you keep the workplace clear of the confusion too!). I went on to explain that it wasn’t a ladies’ fault that she isn’t great at being your “brother” because it isn’t within her nature. We can be pleasant people and enjoy company/community but it doesn’t pay to make things cloudy when you task someone with two jobs. (Find the right person for the right job).

It is your job to filter the chaff from the wheat in your life. You need to separate acquaintances from friends, friends from lovers, and every other combination of them. It is a necessity to decide what they are. You may have regrets about your decisions but you can always make new friends then find new lovers. Not confusing the roles will only aide you later in life.

Special Thanks to Kyle Trouble. You can read more of his work at thisistrouble.com

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Inhumane Resources: Missing Man Formation

During a period of unemployment; I was known to rifle through ads every day. I had specifically sought out operations positions, but due to my having prior experience in sales I looked at sales positions. For the most part it was a dry experience. I would find “aged” ads, or I wasn’t a good fit. One day things seemed to break through. I found a sales position that involved industrial customer relations and finding new clients. With my interest piqued; I applied for the position.

As with any position; I knew that it would take a decent time. The company was relatively large. I had seen it highlighted in various news programs and it had somewhat favorable mentions in business journals. I liked the companies account representatives when I was working for one of their customers.  The company had also sponsored a NASCAR team in the past, (although I am not a fan of NASCAR racing). The planets seemed to align.

I was contacted by a member of management to set up a phone interview by email. I was available due to a loose schedule that most unemployed people followed. I had a day or two heads up, so I made a “script” and I did some “intelligence” work about the local branch. I learned a little about my interviewer. I had every reason to believe that I would have a positive interview.

We opened the interview on time. We exchanged pleasantries. I was comfortable and ready. She started by asking me some carbon copy questions like “How did you hear about this position?” and “What about our organization did you find appealing?”. It was easy to answer those questions. But it was what followed that highlighted a great problem.

My interviewer, who was not only the local manager, but she was the senior salesperson and an occasional accounting assistant. (I had learned this from her LinkedIn profile). She shuffled papers around before the next set of questions. She asked me about one of my last positions that was over ten years ago. (It puzzled me, but I ran with it). She didn’t ask too much about what I did but prodding into why I left. (I got fired. But I used “pc” language to describe that). She seemed a little perturbed in her speech. She skipped around a little to my operations job that I had been let go of that summer. She didn’t seem too interested in the what I did there, either. She seemed to throw professionalism out the window. It was more of a prodding session. She overlooked my sales background and my education. (She also overlooked my contacts in the industrial environment, but we won’t get snippety). She ended up cutting off our interview short. (My email said I was guaranteed a certain time frame and she cut me off 10 minutes early). It fell short of what was needed. It presented some issues for human resources personnel.

Although I have every reason to believe that this was only a screening interview; a member of human resources needed to oversee this process. The local office was shorthanded, and my interviewer was better suited for accounting than dealing with personnel. I honestly felt like the human resources element was missing altogether. The company was short of various personnel. It wasn’t running properly. It didn’t have what it takes to be the best.

I had wanted to write the regional corporate office regarding this. I wanted to be positive and give feedback. I held off sending the letter when I received an email requesting feedback about my experience. (Noted that it took over two months to get the third-party email that had landed in my junk mail folder). I filled it out without being “ugly” or flaming anyone specifically. I filled out the pre-programmed questionnaire and I didn’t expect to hear anything else. Two weeks later; I ended up receiving an identical email questionnaire. This next time; I filled it out with little to no filter. I told the company the truth.

The after events are what are the most noteworthy. Several weeks after my less than uneventful interview; an identical ad was placed for a sales position at the company’s local office. The local office was still shorthanded. Through some of my industrial colleagues; the interviewing company had lost at least two to three large contracts in our area. I present to you where human resources and talent acquisition could have made the process better. It is one thing that a company can thin out a future problem but it is another thing that the company is losing money due to bad HR procedures.

ihreources

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Are You Capable of Growing Beyond Insecurity?

I took a lot of these thoughts from Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck. (I enjoyed the book although it is not held in the highest esteem in certain circles). I had an “a ha!” moment when I was thumbing through it the other day.

I had been labeled as a “fixer” before in my life. The person that labeled me told me that I had been attracted to “projects”. I had eventually looked into this concept and it hurt due to it being true. Some people loved to fix broken equipment or furniture, and apparently some folks like to fix people. Fixing people supposedly makes people feel superior or useful. But I learned that this was based in insecurity. I might not have started out trying to be the fixer/savior, but I was the one that needed to work on myself instead of others. I wasn’t superior. I was nowhere near it.

When I looked at where I was; I learned a little about myself. I started working on my own crap. I looked at my health, weight, etc. I stopped handing out advice. (Considering most people weren’t looking for help but validation). I decided to adopt some actions that would benefit my mental health most of all:

  • Stop putting fires out. I decided to handle my own fires. Somethings need to burn, and I honestly believe that other people will solve their own problems. My actions might hurt someone and string them along to make bad decisions continuously.
  • “Projects” are a waste of time. I shouldn’t be fixing things that don’t want to be fixed. I should only work on things that either compliment my life or improve it. Not sorry to say that we need to exclude certain things out of our lives.

I don’t want to sound heartless, but I have to be at times. I had to sink low enough to realize that I had a problem. Other people have problems that they need to work on. I am not Jesus. They need to figure out what it takes to fix their own problems. If a spare hand moving a box is what they need, it would make sense for them to ask for help. (I asked for and paid for help when I was sick of being disgustingly overweight).

I have decided to move on from my own insecurity. Im not here for someone else. I am here for me. (and yes; Im not here to beat you into fixing your own life. That is your own job).

I’ve moved on to FreeMatt v. 3.0. You do you. Rant over.

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What You Should Type for Your Alumni Update in the Event that “You Suck”

Sitting here in my backroom; I had perused my colleges Alumni magazine, specifically the section that highlights what people are doing professionally. I find it funny and a touch miserable.

There are teachers, a handful of people getting into non-profit management, and an occasional National Guard officer role. But I feel like they bypass the rest of us.

They bypass the folks that had chased after drug boats and raced taxis with drunken drivers. We overlook the people that have seen two or three layoffs. We miss out on people that drink whiskey during their breaks and punch lockers. We don’t see stay at home moms. Overlooked is a guy that couldn’t even find a sales job when he graduated, (don’t hold your breath, everyone tells JUCO graduates that they can get a sales job).

I secretly hope that I could print my own someday. I would note the wildly mediocre. I could note the people that were embarassed by the job fair staff. I would highlight the people that get weird looks from the career assistance office. I would give an award to the gentleman that no one could hire, “that guy” that had the sports education degree that didn’t seem like a good pick to be a teacher. I would write an article about three candidates that weren’t told that they weren’t going to get a job because the company had been sold to another organization. I could highlight the people that were forgotten by their companies and then were “disappeared” without the company using their talents.

I would tell the Alumni that we really do suck. The vast majority of us aren’t that excited and we don’t have the sunshine/rainbows experience. We cut checks, “snap necks”, and write pithy blog posts. Some of us get on with our lives.

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How To Get A Better Response From Your Girl

***Re-blog from Jack. I found it to be insightful. I, among others, weren’t taught certain elements of communication. this article goes into some of this. Please enjoy it. I’m off for the weekend.***

Σ Frame

This post describes how a man can demand more consideration and respect from a woman, and in doing so, receive positive, constructive responses from her.

Targeted Readership: Men in LTR’s

Introduction

In a previous post, Introduction to Game Theory 101 (February 11, 2018), I covered some findings from the research of Dr. John Gottman, which involved making ‘bids’. Bids cover any kind of statement or action which imply a request for the other person’s consideration, time, attention, or some other investment.

To illustrate an example of making a bid, I could ask my wife, “Which tie should I wear today? The green one with the floral pattern, or the red, ‘power’ tie?”. In this statement, I am making a bid for her thoughts and attention. Her response says a lot about the health of our relationship. She could ignore me (bad), or she could simply say, “Red today” (mediocre), or… she…

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That one and only one about incels

***Re-blog from the brother at The Red Quest. I don’t write on the weekend. But this article presented astute questions that we haven’t had answered about incels. Please enjoy***

The Red Quest

Are “involuntary celibates” (incels) in the news? I have been getting questions about them for some reason, despite not having much to say about the topic… there are very few true incels out there, but they congregate and make noise online when they should be at the gym, pumping iron…. the true incels are guys with major health problems, literal retardation, etc. Most don’t have the time and attention to post on incel boards. The ones writing are mostly unhappy because of low value and SMV appropriate to their value. Guys working hard to raise value… probably aren’t online, cause they’re working to raise their value (same reason I wisely didn’t start writing this blog sooner). The bigger problems for online “incels” are physical (typical fat/skinny fat guys) and psychological… the two are linked. Guys with bad psychologies don’t take steps to improve themselves. Guys who don’t take…

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Time Examination: Butthurt and other Behaviors

Chance Lunceford has talked about “excising” behaviors out of your life. He had mentioned about finding himself feeling “butthurt” about various subjects, (noted from his time on Twitter). I believe that he had to take a step back. I found this to be profound. It reminded me of how I changed a part of my life that was hurting me.

I had decided to get out and do something. I jumped at a suggestion to take up martial arts. I had previously enjoyed wrestling in high school. I had also loved “jawing” about the UFC when I was in high school. It was a good decision.

I enjoyed learning and the physical activity. It was nice to get out of the house. I enjoyed spending time with people that wanted to accomplish something in their lives besides drinking beer and being sorry. I would speed home after “practice” happily. This is where it gets stupid.

I ended up getting connected with a gnarly dude that I sparred with. He worked harder than everyone else. He had a jab with a pop that made you feel stupid when he hit you in the face. I respected the hell out of this cat. He asked if I wanted to go do something after work. I told him that I had taped something and needed to get back to watch it.

I ran home. I watched it. I thought nothing of it until the next day. I was a giant hypocrite. I had always complained that I didn’t have or make friends. I had quite a few move away. I had a chance to be a friend, but I was a dumbass.

I ran into him a day or two later. I apologized to him. I asked if he was available. Long story short; I am friends with him, and I consider him to be family. But I still had a change to make.

I went home and discussed getting rid of our satellite television service. I found myself watching it with zombie like fervor. I ended up cutting it off. The tv wasn’t doing anything for me in my life. I wasn’t learning or growing due to it. It left me feeling upset or puzzled half of the time.

The beautiful thing is that when I got rid of it, I had time to make new friends and do new things. I found myself feeling better. I found other people living for their “programs”. I learned new things and had new experiences. I found myself in the gym. I lost weight. I spent less money. It was a step in the right direction.

I don’t blame Chance for re-examining things in his life. I had to do the same. I have every reason to believe that I might have to get rid of other things that detract in my life. He is a smart man for noticing and acknowledging it. Just like Tim Ferriss has mentioned; we should re-examine what is bringing value to our lives and what is causing us stress.

(Feel free to check out Chance on the Morning Brew w/ Hunter Drew at the below link)

 

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Hong Kong Phooey: The Moment of Peak Punk Ass

I have been reviewing various articles regarding professional basketball fans and the burgeoning #FreeHongKong movement. I won’t get into the particulars of what the protestors are getting into in Hong Kong, but I will tell you that it is helping me understand what groveling sellout assholes will do for money. I honestly believe that many cowards aren’t willing to stickup for what they believe in and are scared little punk asses. I am wondering if we are looking at peak punk ass.

I have seen people (specifically bosses) grovel in front of a company’s contract contact. I understand that the company wants to keep their client happy but acting like a neutered dog is not advisable. You won’t have your dignity and I don’t see how you can look at yourself in the mirror at the end of the day. The same supervisor acted like a complete wimp in front of our regional manager, doing a “sorry sir, it’s a mess…”, never mind we were in a construction zone. My boss was a military veteran, supposedly worked with Special Forces. He was one of my first experiences with a genuine punk ass. But I have seen things lately that cry out “I’m a giant punk ass”.

Entertainment and various professional sports organizations are slowly doing their best to break into the growing Chinese market. China has been an untapped opportunity that is now ripe for Western companies, but China doesn’t have the stomach for our system of “mouthiness” or the concepts of democracy. God forbid that someone wants to support Hong Kong protestors. It isn’t illegal for private persons to do so but it didn’t stop full speed chickenshits in the NBA from waffling and apologizing. (I have included some links for the best examples).

I find it personally hilarious that many of these bigwigs were actually old enough to remember Tiananmen Square and the people shot/mowed over by tanks. The companies are run by full on “p*ssies” that think nothing of teaming up with borderline genocidal assholes. Instead of throwing the BS flag when things look a little challenging; the corporate stooges act like a dog hit with a newspaper. I look at people like this as deserving of derision. I wouldn’t work with companies like this. It is one thing that these companies weren’t the most “open” organizations to begin with but joining up with some of the most “censorious” maniacs is another.  I see nothing resembling fortitude or limits. In history; the word coward could be thrown around.

I have been chastised before for my choice of words. Many people would say to me: “you would do the same thing if you were a billionaire”. My answer is easy: “I can afford scruples now”. I sure as hell can afford to keep my dignity instead of groveling. I don’t want to be a sellout. I hope to Crom that you don’t either. I don’t want chickenshits in my life and I hope you don’t. Our world would be better if we put more value in our beliefs than crap like taking money from assholes.

silvernba

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The Waking Nightmare: US Navy Redemption Story

I found myself waking up in my bed, in a cold sweat. I looked to my right and no one was there. It wasn’t as dark as I imagined. Nothing was bathed in a ridiculous blue light.  Joe wasn’t there. I didn’t hear any snoring or sloshing. I found out I was in my house and not on a ship like I had been. I had continued on like this for months.

I touched my head and actually felt hair in my fingers. My ears hurt from the relative silence when I was expecting to here the ship’s various announcements in a sailor’s vernacular. No one was there to remind me to eat lunch. I went to work, and the captain was no where to be found. I saw other men who didn’t shave, and no one tried to take money from them for it. Things were changing slowly.

The people around me didn’t curse like Lip did. I found myself being politely reminded that I needed to watch what I say. My co-workers didn’t make dick jokes like others previously had. I stopped wobbling when I walked. Although I pined for the shipmates I had known for three plus years; I noticed different people around me.

I saw my family nearly every day. Other people with my last name and other related people too. I ended up wearing clothes and had no fear of breaking a regulation. I read a book instead of a publication. The only alarm I heard was the open doorbell and it didn’t have the annoyance of a klaxon. My chin was scratchy. Things looked different outside.

There was no flag and we didn’t hold colors. It rained at an abnormal schedule. It didn’t smell like the sea outside. I had an infant in my arms, this is something you seldom see while on deployment. I slowly felt different every day. I had no uniform to cover me. I had no contest to win when we would kill boredom. The routine changed to something else.

The green grass and morning dew greeted me. Chummy single-story buildings replaced the bureaucratic buildings I knew. People with first names called me by my first name. I weathered a storm and felt no waves tossing me about. The wind would blow but nothing would creak. At the end of the day; I knew it was the end of the day. We had no 9-11 waiting for us to start things again. The sun went down and I didn’t observe sunrise.

I found myself calling things walls and ceilings. My shipmates became faceless co-workers. Many of my old shipmates passed away or moved on. I learned different things. My habits died too. I woke up one day and found out that while I was in the Navy for four years; it felt like it was a dream. Life had redeemed me, and I was no longer a sailor. I am just a man.

ffg

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In A Man’s Life, “Starve” to Know the Feast

I found myself nearing the 22-hour mark of a fast, (I had run over my intended 20 hour fast due to scheduling issues). I have had many people ask me how I can do this. And yes; I am made sick by the same people that say that they could never do this. I think that these people are wrong. They choose not to. They chose to listen to loaded information handed over from a “trusted” organization that usually has a corporate minder. (Screw the Pyramid). I find that people often have a programmed response when it comes to food.

I see men eat shit. I see them eat shit at normal intervals. We have been programmed to do so. There are “industries” set up to sell us the shit. We have normalized killing ourselves. Our slow death has become a huge part of our life.

I thought that people around me, with their excuses and all, were the only ones. I hear off large swaths of healthy people in a handful of communities but realistically plenty of us are dying inside because of what we put into our bodies. I know of plenty of people that can afford to eat properly but they eat processed shit because it is what makes them feel good, (never mind your body feels like shit a short time afterward). And even the people that claim to not have “enough money to eat properly”, could actually eat properly. They choose not to, or they choose to spend their money on crap that leaves them hungry. (I have noted the one of the hosts from Honey Badger Radio had previously worked with people on welfare to help them shop more effectively, only to watch them buy processed crap that left them broke and hungry). I am unapologetic with my words when I tell folks that it is a basic human drive to feed ourselves and survive.

I don’t understand how we haven’t learned to handle this. I don’t understand how we have allowed ourselves to become programmed. “Learned helplessness or whatever”. We have “unlearned” the understanding of what starvation is. We have failed to learn what being satiated is. There isn’t nourishment; there is only marketing and social bs.

I think that we have forgotten what actually starvation is. I had only spent 22 hours without eating. I didn’t turn myself inside out. My stomach only grumbled. I didn’t hurt. I went on with my life. I had to stop living my life to eat. It isn’t a hard concept.

I think that if we learned what it meant to starve, we could learn what the feast is. The reward for hard work. The reward for bringing purpose. I encourage you to learn about fasting and bring back purpose for what you eat.

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