Every Wednesday: I never fail to be disgusted with advice columns. I am unsure why they still get paid to do what they do. As always, I am in awe when it comes to awful examples like Dear Prudence and Dear Annie. The columnists seem to get rewarded for giving you bad advice. I think that people get terrible advice from them. I don’t blame anyone that calls advice column responses garbage. I use my postings to correct these responses and help society by being an utmost asshole, (as always, a hat tip to Aaron Clarey at Asshole Consulting).
Consider this How to Do It article (courtesy of Slate) from May 15, 2002:
Dear (Matters):
Several months ago, during a rough patch in my relationship, I finally got the nerve to tell my partner that I have always hated performing oral sex and that it hurts my jaw to do so.
That made things even worse—threats of separation came flying. I was told that they will not go forever without it, and that I needed to figure it out. Under threat of separation, I said I’d do it once a month.
Despite my partner knowing how I feel, they predictably beg for it at the beginning of every month. I’m having a hard time not getting angry and resentful that they have no problem making me feel like I have to do something I hate.
If I say no, I get the silent treatment with the occasional begging for it until I give in. Afterward, I’m pissed at them for making me feel like I have no choice and myself for doing something I know I don’t want to do. Every time they beg, I try offering sex instead, which they turn down. What do I do here?
—— Frustrated
Dear Frustrated:
I do not claim to be King Solomon, but I do dare to in part wisdom. I don’t want to split babies but I do want two people to learn some delicate lessons in their lives.
You made a critical mistake. You made an agreement that you had no intention of keeping. Your word doesn’t mean as much as it should.
Your partner has used emotional blackmail and low end threats to get their way. There is not much of a healthy partner to lean to here. It might “take two to tango” but it takes one to head for the exit.
I always believe that sexual activities should be done willingly and with some sense of equal gain from them for all involved parties. One of you is not getting what they desire and one of you is trying to slip in a substitute.
You are both going to hit a wall of sorts in your relationship sooner or later.
Since I believe in torturing people into making tough decisions; I have two options for you.
(1) Let your partner find an alternative arrangement for oral sex
This is probably the most judicious solution for both of you. It can help get rid of the threats of separation. It also lets you off the hook from that activity. This frees you both up to tackle the other unhealthy things going on in your relationship.
(2) Leave.
Your partner is begging and blackmailing you into doing something. They aren’t happy. You aren’t happy. You seem pissed. You were hoping to placate them with a promise of “once a month”. You can free them up for the tongue-jitsu they want. You can find someone that doesn’t want oral sex.
I hope that you are able to “mature” and learn from this experience; not matter the outcome or your decision. I also hope that your partner can learn to communicate better. I would also hope that they learn to walk with their feet instead of making empty threats.
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I don’t imagine that I will have a shortage of emails to answer. I would love to start doing this for anyone that sends me an email. If this is you; email us at freemattpodcast@gmail.com
If you hate advice columns; I don’t blame you. If it isn’t soft people giving advice; it is someone trying to justify acting like an insensitive asshole. Till next week.
https://slate.com/human-interest/2022/05/husband-demands-monthly-oral-advice.html