Every Wednesday: I never fail to be disgusted with advice columns. I am unsure why they still get paid to do what they do. As always, I am in awe when it comes to awful examples like Dear Prudence and Dear Abby. The columnists seem to get rewarded for giving you bad advice. I think that people get terrible advice from them. I don’t blame anyone that calls advice column responses garbage. I use my postings to correct these responses and help society by being an utmost asshole, (as always, a hat tip to Aaron Clarey at Asshole Consulting).
Consider this Dear Annie article (courtesy of Annie Lane @ creators.com) from January 28, 2023:
I’m a 32-year-old single woman facing a predicament. I’ve been friends with a guy named “Stan” for a few months, though we haven’t actually talked in over a month now. We were acquainted in high school, but we lost touch after a short while. Stan and I went on a couple of dates, and I thought things were going well, but then he asked if we could just be friends. If we hadn’t ALMOST hooked up, I would’ve been fine with this, but because I thought he was still interested in me as more than a friend, it took me by surprise, but I agreed to it.
We continued to talk and hung out once more; however, I had expressed my feelings for him a total of three times, and the third time, he came close to blocking me. Stan had made it very clear to me that he doesn’t reciprocate my feelings, though when we first started talking as friends, I had been optimistic that eventually we could be more than that. The two times that I’ve messaged him since, he’s left me on read, though he sporadically watches my Instagram stories. He’s explained that he’s not ready for a relationship, yet I’ve noticed that he follows numerous women and he’s on a dating app.
He’s also mentioned that he’s experiencing family issues, but because we’ve only known each other for a few months, I felt that was too personal of a subject for me to provide input on. I’m afraid to initiate a conversation with him because I don’t want to risk arguing and (possibly) consequently losing a friend, but at the same time, I feel like he’s hiding some things from me. I’d like to let him know that he can trust me, but it remains unclear to me as to whether I can trust him or not. The last time Stan and I talked, he asked me to give him space because I was making him uncomfortable, but now I’m wondering if he is just trying to phase me out of his life. That was almost a month and a half ago. Please help. I have no idea what to do about this.
I knew a man who wore the finest bootleg FUBU shirts he could find. The young gentleman had what looked like a gold watch on his wrist. He would often bend down and clean a smudge off his clean sneakers. The suave for a minute rogue did his best to signal his greatness to the ladies. He found himself empty handed.
I noticed that he was always showcasing and making a scene of every time he could be around a woman. Not only did he not stand out in a good way, but he also got a reputation of being “that guy”. He wasn’t interesting. There was no level of complimentary intelligence to go around. In the end, the problem was “all him”.
The ladies let him know subtly. He would see communal laughter. He also heard at least one “no thank you”. It was apparent that he wasn’t the man for that level of job.
I was greatly disturbed that you had the same level of warning, just like the man from the first three paragraphs. He told you that he didn’t want a relationship. He asked for space after you seemed to be too invested in parts of his family life.
I think you misread someone’s ability to go out on dates with you as a relationship, or some signal of huge value. It didn’t sound like you two went through anything romantic. Hanging out and talking is just that, especially when there is nothing substantive along with it.
I know that this is hard for you to understand, but you aren’t the only woman in the universe. I strongly doubt that you are the best choice he has. He probably has seen this on his dating app and times out in public. You appeared too desperate and you didn’t seem to respect his privacy.
Here is my advice…deleted his contact information. Act like this never happened. Go find someone else that wants to be around you. Don’t flood the next man with too much all at once, or you will find out that despite your best attempts, it was you after all.
I don’t imagine that I will have a shortage of emails to answer. I would love to start doing this for anyone that sends me an email. If this is you; email us at firstname.lastname@example.org
If you hate advice columns; I don’t blame you. If it isn’t soft people giving advice; it is someone trying to justify acting like an insensitive asshole. Till next week.