I present to you a real-life walking lesson. He is a real person that has continued a dangerous path that many men have taken in the past. He makes bad judgements and doesn’t make hard boundaries with the people around him. This man is named “Pete” and this is the man with 1000 friends.
I don’t fault Pete for living in one area and connecting with people. I am envious of this. My shallow roots have hurt me when it comes to opportunities for making lasting connections. (I feel like Cornelius in Fight Club, noticing single serving friends disappearing at the end of the journey). I would like to find more people to connect with that hold similar systems of thought. Pete seems to run into plenty of people he knows and has some basic causal link to. But this is not the error.
The error is calling everyone a “friend”. He, like many other modern people, have watered down the definition of “friend”. Pete sees people that he has met before and loops them in. It is a deadly idea. These people, that have never put out their systems of beliefs, might not have a congruent life plan. They might be parasites or hell bent on destroying themselves. Without filtering; one would not know if this acquaintance is actually a friend. The folly, which is one of a programmable mindset maneuver, is that labeling a person something that they did not earn allows for bad people to slip into your mist. The most sociopathic person can find themselves into your life and your pocketbook, bleeding you dry and allowing them to set up shop to possibly infect the healthy people around you. It is more than money and connections; it is clouded judgement of a sexual nature.
Although this piece of advice falls heavily among men; it can apply to women to. Don’t muddy the waters of your friends and lovers. (You can interchange a few words in the following piece of advice that I saw in an email from Kyle Trouble. It can apply to you easily): (sisterhood/brotherhood, female/male, her/him, he/she, brothers/sisters)
I don’t know about “Pete”, but personally, why go on a dating site and then “make friends”.
Female friends are overrated. A man needs brotherhood with his friends. Not sisterhood. There is almost nothing a female friend can bring most men to the table.
One, you shouldn’t need her as a shoulder to cry on, because you shouldn’t be crying in the first place.
Two, she can’t help you move.
Three, when it comes down to it, she’s unable to understand what you go through as a man because she has never been through it, and women’s biology dictates that they have a really, really tough time actually understanding anything outside of their personal portal.
Any who, like I said, men need brothers as friends.
I have impressed on Pete that it clouds his judgement on women to call them “friends”. He often mistakenly calls women that he has sexual interest as “friends”. I learned in my own life that it is a great disservice to you to do this. It also openly skews a ladies’ view of you and marks you for failure. Pete seems to love edging up to the point of moving to “after hours” activities but being disappointed later. I honestly don’t know if it is misplaced braggadocio or ignorance on his part. I had explained to him that you don’t screw friends and you don’t ask too much of your lovers. You keep them separate for your own mental state. (And lord knows that you keep the workplace clear of the confusion too!). I went on to explain that it wasn’t a ladies’ fault that she isn’t great at being your “brother” because it isn’t within her nature. We can be pleasant people and enjoy company/community but it doesn’t pay to make things cloudy when you task someone with two jobs. (Find the right person for the right job).
It is your job to filter the chaff from the wheat in your life. You need to separate acquaintances from friends, friends from lovers, and every other combination of them. It is a necessity to decide what they are. You may have regrets about your decisions but you can always make new friends then find new lovers. Not confusing the roles will only aide you later in life.
Special Thanks to Kyle Trouble. You can read more of his work at thisistrouble.com